GRAND Parenting

Grandparents there to help in crisis

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 21:15:01 GMT

Watching someone you love becomes addicted to drugs and alcohol especially when they are teenagers can be devastating for all the family; everyone in their path becomes a part of the trauma. The emotional shock of admitting one of your children is in trouble with drugs or alcohol can be horrific to the parents as they tend to blame themselves and wonder where they went wrong.

A few years ago my daughter fought the demons with her daughter. She was teenager and it seemed to happen overnight. We bound together as a family and battled the addiction convinced we were lucky; as many times the dependence is not so easily overcome. Sherry and our family prayed and asked God to intervene for us and because we became involved early on and Mary’s personality didn’t seem to be as susceptive to the drugs as some kids are she’s alright and living a normal life. We continue to monitor Mary and are always on the watch for changes in her personality and her friends; to date she’s doing well. She tells us that God stepped in and now if she even thinks about drugs her stomach feels like it’s going to throw up. We know that was a miracle and in many cases a deep belief in God can be part of the journey back to a normal life and being free from the addictions.

Recently another child in our extended family began taking drugs and drinking. He’s 16 and was arrested for driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Our family is overwhelmed and once again asking what they could have done to prevent this from happening. When I spoke to my daughter she reminded me of the strong family and good life we had and that drugs and alcohol can still be within reach of our children. Blaming each other as parents will not help the child. There are agencies and churches which will extend a hand for counseling and information you need as a parent to go through these issues and help your child.

It’s normal to feel guilty and as though you failed as a family when this happens however, most of the time it isn’t the case. Stepping up to the plate and getting help for the child is the first step when this happens. Putting all the facts on the table and working with professionals will help give you a better chance at solving the dilemma. The internet and sites like this offer videos and information that can be priceless if drugs and alcohol addiction comes to your family. Don’t blame anyone, rather face the crisis and get informed regarding every tool and piece of information available to save your child.

Bond together and make a plan of action with professionals who know every form of assistance available. With the social stress our children face today it’s hard not to be exposed to drugs and alcohol and knowing what to look for in our children can bring help to them quickly giving them a better chance of kicking the habit. Avoiding the signs of drugs and alcohol will not make it better or go away. Once again get help and don’t think you have to do this alone. Start at your child’s school and your church and then stay focused. It can be a long and hard fight however; I’ve seen families even ours win the battle if they are willing to fight for their children’s life. As grandma's it's our job to give support to our families when these crisis happen. Once again, this is our extended family however, we're there for whatever we can do even if it's only to listen.

Dorothy from grammology

http://grammology.com

Grandchild Possibility of Being a Cutter

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:16:28 GMT

I have a 13 yr old grand daughter and recently found some notes talking about her being a cutter. She is not talking to me as of right now. I have the notes, but dont know what to do. Talking to her mother or other grandparents is useless. Also school would not be of any good. Any advice. Please help

What's a grandma to do?

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 17:44:54 GMT

I'm waiting for Noah to visit today. It's Sunday in Western New York and it's raining. However, the sun is shining in my heart because my five year old is coming to visit.

Because I am currently battling Ovarian Cancer I find myself asking what time do I have left to give my grandchildren. My husband and siblings have had me forever and we are adults. However the grandchildren; they are the ones who will miss out on the special love only grandparents can give. It's filled with no conditions, and a deep understanding of the love a child should have. If we as grandparents could get the message out; we are here for our children. Giving what we can. Our time which is the most important thing a parent or grandparent can do.

So many parents have to work today to make ends meet. Everytime I see the prices of food and gas my heart goes out to these kids trying to raise a family under these economic conditions. Making grandparents even more important to the family. We can be the lifesaver when kids are feeling alone. We can be the safe harbor when they need a place to go. Cook a grandma dinner or even ask them to bake cookies with grandma.

Please, during these times, don't under estimate the power of a hug or kind word from grandma and grandpa. Give us a chance to once again be the anchor of the family. We're here waiting for that chance.

I hope I live to be a 100 so I can watch my two youngest grandchildren William 13 and Noah 5 grow up more. I'm 62 and with my cancer...we never know what time we have so I know if I win the lottery my first thing to do...spend more time with Noah and William.

The love and the light they give me in my heart is priceless..

Hugs and blessings to all grandparents who care..hoping more parents give us the time to be part of the family today. Sharing our experience and wisdom..

Dorothy from grammology

remember to hug your gram

grammology.com

Noah and the hospital

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:09:57 GMT

My five year old grandson had to go to children's hospital today. He was sick and my daughter was concerned as to it's seriousness.

I couldn't go with her as I have my final Chemo treatment Monday and we were afraid the exposure to the sick children could affect me and my compromised immune system. My sister went and stayed with Noah and my daughter.

When your children or grandchildren are sick your whole world stands still. I brought out my rosary and I prayed. I kept asking God to bring light and strength to my family. There is so much we have to endure in todays world, I wonder how we sometimes continue to be so strong. Of course I know my answer is God. Noah is alright. They think he has a virus and sent him home after being thorough with their testing.

As grandparents we have to be there for our family. I can't wait until Monday so I can resume my normal life again. This has been a long and hard six months. Time lost, we'll never regain. I've learned so much and I'm grateful my side effects have been minimal. Although I have no eyebrows and no hair...and as mentioned no bad hair days..this I don't mind...

I'll keep you posted about Noah...my precious youngest grandson. Wishing you and your family the best.

Dorothy from grammology

remember to call your gram

grammology.com

Grandparents telling their grandchildren they have Cancer

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 05:33:14 GMT

When I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer December 21, I had no idea of the total effects if would have on my family, friends, and life in general.

I knew there would be a lot to do before my operation on January 18th however, I hadn't thought about my two youngest grandchildren Noah 4 and William 13. How do you tell them what is in store for you during the next 6 months.

If was easier for William, however, Noah was another story. He didn't understand why he wouldn't be seeing his grandma as much.or why I'd have less energy. When Noah visits it was always non stop whatever we could think of. Play, walk, color..shop go to McDonalds. Cuddle up on the couch and watch his favorite videos. With 30 staples, and more I wouldn't be able to cuddle for awhile either.

Then the issue of loosing all my hair. I had no idea how to explain that to Noah.

So I asked my daughter to bring him over, and I told her I'd be preparing him for the future. He was so happy to see me, he wanted to jump into my arms although his mom had prepared him that wouldn't be alright with my surgery. I believe God inspired me as to what to say to Noah.

I showed him my staples, he was alright as he realized his dog had just had staples and was doing great. Then we spent at least an hour playing and talking when I told him there was one more thing. I would be taking medicine to make be better which would have to take all of my hair. At first he was upset, then I explained we would be drawing pictures, laughing at my bald head and being glad the sickness was going away. Somehow, someway, I'm not entirely sure all that I said. Noah established comfort. I was so relived, he'd seen me healthy before he would see me bald.

With our faith our God, my family and friends we'll get through this journey. it will probably be my hardest time in my life. Although the rewards life.....are worth the effort.

When and if your ever sick, and are close to your grandchildren, prepare them for what will be happening to you. Make it something they understand. If you need help figuring out what to say, get professional and in some cases your minister or priest can help.

We're doing fine, Noah wonders when he can sleep over..this is a good thing. Preparing is the best way to help your grandchildren or children through difficult times.

Life is filled with the unexpected..get ready.

My best,

Dorothy from grammology

remember to call gram

www.grammology.com

Keeping family away from family

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 03:56:35 GMT

I read an interesting and sad post on a blog yesterday. The women was going through divorce and she was lamenting how she'd been manipulated by her husband to keep her children away from her family.

She was angry and sad that so much time had passed and her kids and herself had been deprived of their love and attention.

My advice as I so freely give it. You can't change what you've done..the past is the past. However, you can improve today and your future. Make better the new cycle.. There is no perfect person on this earth. As we journey through life we make many mistakes. Our mission learn from each other, and improve from your past.

As many of us know, a controlling, abusive husband, will often isolate his wife and children from family. This allows them more control and instills fear and dependence on the husband. I was enlightened by her being able to break out of the pattern and empowered by her will to share her story. Therefore making it better and easier for other women and children to see where she was and how she'd come out of the darkness into the light.

In my 61 years on this earth..there is no bond better then a strong family connection. You will find they are there day and night, whenever you ask. Share the value of a family with your children. Discuss your fears and thoughts with your family. Build a healthy relationship together. Talking about what you wish to accomplish in life and how you can help and support each other Yes, family can sometimes be management intense. However, the benefits of knowing you have a support system if you ever need it, far outweigh the times when you are required to help. In addition, I've found helping someone you love can feel pretty darn good.

See if you know what I mean, offer to be there for someone in your family. Even if they don't currently need anything. Just let them know you love them and will help whenever needed. The good feeling you have may just surprise you..Good luck..just do it..

My best,
Dorothy from grammolgy
remember to call gram
http://grammology.com

Grandma has Cancer again

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 23:28:47 GMT

Even if you've only read some of my comments and not my blog www.grammology.com you already know my family is my treasure. There isn't a day we don't speak to each other and try to get together at least weekly.

Every part of my life is family and friends. So the least I can say is we are all upset that I've just been told I have cancer back in my ovary. It's the only darn thing left, from a hysterectomy I had in the 80's. Back then they left the ovary instead of taking it out. Today I'd tell them take it all...

Knowing what and how to tell my family was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. Hiding my fear was the hardest part. It's taken me three days to be convinced I'm not going to die. After all I just fought my first cancer battle in 05. Why is this any different. I think it's where it is. When you say Ovarian Cancer people get that look....

So what do you tell your family? I told the truth, I have it, I'm worried and we'll go to the highest power. (Prayer) Tomorrow we are going to church together. We'll pray and ask God to get us through this, make me well, and give me another 30years to love and enjoy my family. January 18th is my surgery date and I'm working towards a positive attitude. Our family is strong and we 're there whenever needed. I'm hoping they'll keep my spirits up.

I'll keep you posted...

Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
http://grammology.com