Parenting Tweens

12 Year old daughter

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 14:35:36 GMT

Last night, I did a random check on my daughter's computer. Finding e-mails from strangers, people she clearly did not know - the conversations proved that.

She has watched with me the dangers of the internet shows, we have taken the books out from the library. We have conversations about self-respect and honesty.

She is a grade A student, actively involved in sports, arts and great leader groups.

I am so very upset that such a smart and educated child - still, does not see the dangers of acting older, of pretending to be older, that still after all she knows; wants to be older.

How do I go about talking to her - so that she listens.

I am open to all suggestions. This is such a crucial age in her life.

next step towards "responsibility"?

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 18:36:40 GMT

I am the "over-protective' parent of a 12 year old girl. I don't let her go out with her friends unless there is a parent along, not to Trick or Treat, not to a high school football game, not to a movie thearter. We dont leave her home (with her 11 year old sister) alone, EVER. (Both are A students who have acted responsibly in the past)

Although my husband is not ready to take the next step, I know that we need to, inorder to foster responsibility in her but what is the next step and how do I convince my SUPER protective husband that this will be good for our daughter.?

Gigi

Angry/Sweet Son

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 10:13:17 GMT

Hello.

I just joined today. I am very dismayed. Our 11yo son has anger problems. Tonight he attacked my husband, punching, throwing furniture, he pushed me (his mum) and wanted to go after his younger brother 8yo.

He wouldn't eat the evening meal with us, so we said that he could not cook himself anything later on. He eats now with us or not at all. So of course he tried to cook himself something and we said no. And it went from there.

Do others have this problem? I am scared, scared he's going to hurt one of us.

We are in familiy counselling, this is ruining our marriage - I'm just lonely and don't know where to go.

Lise

Screen Addict Show

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 06:52:05 GMT

BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO! I applaud you folks for airing such an important special on the Addiction of T.V. watching, Video Games, Text Messaging, Internet Porn & On-Line Gambling - all SCREEN watching activities. I speak to you as one who is recovering from ALL of those! Well - minus the text messaging - I love the "ol fashioned" way of talking on the phone. EVERY PARENT NEEDS TO SEE THIS!! The one thing that was NOT mentioned - which I think is of VITAL importance. Children will imitate what they see us as Parents do. If they see us watching T.V., on the computer all the time - they will do the same. If they see us reading a book, just sitting in a room talking to our spouse with NO DISTRACTIONS - they will do the same. Lead by Example.

Again - I am a recovering addict myself. I am enjoying turning the T.V. off and reading a good book, taking a nice walk with my family.

Let's engage in each other - not those addicting Screens!

The Pursuit of Happiness

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 17:01:13 GMT

I just read an article about the happiest countries in the world, and it is interesting to see why people in one country feel happier than others. It's not surprising in some respects, but as a parent it is a good reminder of how to raise happier children. And we all want our children to be "happy!"

Teamwork, focusing on others, less competition, less me, me, me--- these are some of things that help people to feel happy. Not a new concept, but one that we forget in the craziness of life. I'm going to think about ways to plug some of this into my house. I feel happier just thinking picturing it!

unusual interest in sex? My 11yo daughter is looking at porn

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 13:32:33 GMT

I am the single mother of an 11yo 6th grader (her father is actively involved in her life). She just started Junior high in September. One month ago, she secretly ordered the Playboy channel about 8 times. I didnt know until I saw the bill. We never had cable before, I just gave in and got it about a month previous to this incident. I had an extensive sex talk with her and punished her for the lying about the incident. I thought it was curiousity and thought it was an isolated incident. Now, this week I go on the computer and there are all these porn pop-ups and I cant get rid of them. After an intense grilling and searching the history on the computer, it was my daughter searching for vulgar sex terms on the web. I am at my wits end. I am very scared and concerned for my daughter, I have been in tears every night just thinking about it. Does she need to see a psychiatrist?? Is this normal behavior for such a young child? Of note, she was a very early bloomer and has had her menses for 2 years already. I dont want to overanalyze but I have been researching this extensively since the first incident and I keep getting things from the mundane( normal tween behavior) to the extreme(sexual molestation/traumatic event). I really would like to hear other parents persepctive and experiences and advice.

Giving freedom...but how much?

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 14:54:00 GMT

Middle school = change. BIG change. Especially for my 6th grade daughter who, until a short while ago, suffered from separation anxiety that caused her to miss out on everything from birthday parties to organized sports. She never dreamed of wanting to go anywhere or do anything without me. But now, just a few short months after starting middle school, she is ready to spread her wings a bit. She's still perfectly content to have me around but I know she's feeling the pressure from her friends to go off on her own.

She's got friends who can be dropped off just about anywhere with just about anyone...no questions asked. While other friends are all but kept under lock and key except for school and church. Where do we fit in? How much freedom is appropriate? How much is too much?When is it ok to drop my child off and when should I stick by and supervise? This is what I'm struggling with.

Some of Gianna's friends go to the local rec center on Friday nights to play dodgeball, basketball or swim..... or hang out and make a nuisance of themselves. Do I drop her off? Do I stay?

She loves ice skating and has introduced it to several friends. They've been asking to go at least once/week if not more. Do I drop her off? Do I stay?

Of course, every now and then there's an easy one...like the boy who called to ask my daughter to a movie and wanted to know if she could go without a parent. Ummm.....NO. Where I come from thats called a date and my 11year old is NOT dating thankyouverymuch.

So I ask you, my fellow tween parents...what freedoms are you giving your children these days? How has it changed over their tween years?When do you stick around and when do you let them go on their own? I dont mean school or church functions...I'm talking about public places where kids may want to go like movies, skating, the rec center, the mall. How do we know when to let go?