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Dilema

Posted by: Nancy Robles on October 31, 2007 at 5:49PM EST

Hi,

I have this dilema and hoping someone can help me. I 'm a single mothe of 3, my daughter recently went to go live with her grandparents because I would tell her to clean up her room and give her chores. My youngest son who is 9 just won't cooperate with a boyfriend that I have been with for about 1 year. I know my son is very smart but my boyfriend and I have a lot of fights because he feels that my son does not respect him. Sometimes, I feel that my boyfriend acts just like him but I try to see both points of view. Last year I lost my boyfriend in a tragic car accident and my children were very close to him. I guess my question would be how can I maintain the peace in my home between tow people I care for?

Help Single mom

(3) Answers

Posted by: Daisy on November 6, 2007 10:08AM EST

I have to agree with the Lily and Vivi. Your boyfriend is NOT your children's father and therefore has no place in disciplining your son. I have to wonder, have you asked your daughter that moved out if it had anything to do with your current boyfriend. I am going to be perfectly honest here and say, my first initial thought... Is your boyfriend acting inappropriately towards your son? Or perhaps your daughter? This is something you need to consider, and ask your children. I hope that is not the case, but I do feel this is something you need to pursue. Your children are your first priority!!

Posted by: vivi on November 2, 2007 9:15AM EST

I am sorry to hear about your boyfriend and hope you can move forward with your life. It must be hard being a single mom and dating at the same time. I will be honest with you about your boyfriend and your children getting in to fights and how your boyfriend thought the children disrespected him. First of all your boyfriend was not your husband therefore your children should have come first not matter what. Your boyfriend had no right trying to discipline your children and it should be strictly you to be the one to talk to and discipline your children. If you were already getting into fights about your children than that was not good because a problem is not solved by fighting. It is solved by talking when you are not angry. Take care of the needs of your children first and then your boyfriend. If your partner has a concern than he can state it to you in private, then you can handle the matter with your children alone with out him in the room. In the future put your children first and your boyfriend second and don't allow him to discipline your children thats your job. Teach your children respect for people in general. Misbehavior is part of growing up and learning and its our job to look at this as a teachable moment. The important thing is how you react to the childs misbehavior. Which will deterermine how you will handle the situation. Lack of self control and anger management is the lack of self esteem in children. In the future look for those traints in your future partner. Good luck.

Posted by: Lily on November 1, 2007 11:07AM EST

First of all, I am sorry for your loss. It must have been very hard on you to lose your former boyfriend. It was probably hard on your children too. I am wondering if they were close to him and if they needed any counseling to help them get over their loss. I am also wondering why your current boyfriend and son are having so many fights? Does your boyfriend live in your home with you and your children? If that is the case, I think I would tread very carefully here. In my opinion, your children, particularly you son, should be your #1 priority here. I would speak to your son about this. And I certainly wouldn't be arguing with your boyfriend about your children, in front of your children. My sister is divorced and she tries to keep her love life and her children's lives very separate and it's working pretty well, so far. She only has dates when her kids are at their dad's house. She has only introduced one boyfriend to her girls and that was after she'd dated him for a year. Maybe your son is still hurting from the loss of your other boyfriend. I'd talk to him about it.