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I need help!

Posted by: Single dad 813 on April 22, 2007 at 10:41AM EST

My Daughter ws kidnapped at 17 months by her biological mother. It was the ONLY thing that she could think of that would increase our communication level....And it did.

It took me 17 months, $32,000 & 12 trips to N.J. to find her. And all because I let her visit with her mother after she abandoned her.

(Praise God) I have her back now but, unfortunantly for us all,I lost all trust in the mother. I can't/ won't allow the same thng to happen again.

It will be 1 year that she has been back with me (on the 15th of May). The pain of loss and emotion of reunion are still a fresh wound to me.I am deathly afraid of this happening again. So much that I quit my job to stay at home with her out of fear of not being there in the event that It happens again.

If you can imagine the pain......................

I am open for any suggestions or comments.

Single dad.

(2) Answers

Posted by: Drama Momma on May 15, 2007 9:35AM EST

That is a parent's worst nightmare! Unfortunately, during divorce that is often the biggest fear. When I was afraid of that happening, the only protection I could think of was to try to educate the children. At 2 and 3 years old, I taught them their full name, address and phone number (including country and area code). I found the easiest way was in song form. They still remember their full address, 15 years later ... to the tune of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat". The other thing I did, was to make sure that the girls knew that daddy (or anybody) was not going to pick them up unless mommy told them to expect him. If he showed up, they were to ask him to call mommy before they left. (This only happened a couple of times and I explained that it was the rule with anybody picking them up unless previously arranged.) We also had the password system. Nobody was to pick them up unexpectedly unless they knew the password ... Barbie. It is a terrible fear, but it helped knowing that they could call me if they went missing. We also had supervised access during the younger years. For me it was some comfort, but lead to a lot of resentment with their father. For you, it may just be the thing. It would be nice for your daughter to have her mother in her life. It takes time to get over the fear, but you do.

Posted by: juff on April 24, 2007 8:08AM EST

What a frightening situation! I can't even imagine the mental turmoil it has caused you. I hope there are some legal consequences for what happened that could help prevent it in the future. As hard as it will be, you need to try to live a normal life for yourself and for your daughter. As your daughter grows she will no doubt know the depth of your love. Be very careful not to be too overprotective and paranoid about what could happen because this could effect her very negatively in the future. I hope you will talk to someone at a local faith based organization or a counselor that can help you sort through the fear. Thank goodness you care for her so deeply!