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Lunch room bullying
Posted by:
Den on
August 30, 2007 at
6:08PM EST
Any suggestions on how to advise my 15-year-old when she comes home from school saying that a group of kids have been pushing her and her 3 friends away from the lunch table they've been sitting at since the first day of school? My daughter and her friends leave their books on the table and go to the food line - only to return to find their things on the floor. Seating is not assigned so they can't really say, "This is OUR table." But the fact that they are being pushed around and afraid to verbally defend themselves makes me crazy! We live in the south and because this bullying group is of another race, my daughter and her friends are afraid they'll be labeled "racsists" or possibly be attacked after school if they speak up for themselves. Any thoughts?
(3) Answers
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Across the country, girl-on-girl violence in schools and communities is on the rise. With record numbers of violent incidents between girls reported each year, you may have started to wonder about your own daughter's safety – and it's only reasonable to feel some concern for her. Developing an open, communicative relationship with your daughter, as well as a healthy understanding of signs that may suggest she is experiencing some psychological or physical bullying are positive steps you can take towards helping and supporting your daughter through the challenges of her teen years. They also constitute a pro-active approach to addressing the issue within your own community. Students experiencing some form of bullying among their peer group usually demonstrate some important warning signs. Communicating openly with your daughter and paying attention to her attitude and behavior towards school and friends means you'll be able to pick up on those warning signs early. And with your support and encouragement, your daughter will be able to handle potentially damaging situations positively and constructively – without getting caught up in a dangerous web of aggression. Better still, you'll help to equip her with the skills she needs to serve as a role model for her peers. Just what are the signs that might suggest your daughter is being bullied?
These are a few of the characteristics of a bullied teen:
* Your daughter starts taking an alternate route to school – one that's often much longer or out-of-the-way. (This is especially important if your daughter walks to school)
* Your daughter begins avoiding or refusing to take her usual transportation to school (she no longer wants to ride the bus, for example).
* Your daughter seems constantly worried or anxious, or she seems overly concerned about looks and appearance (an indication of the low self-esteem that bullying can cause).
* Your daughter loses interest in activities she once enjoyed, including academics, sports and other extracurricular activities. Her grades and overall academic performance may also decline suddenly.
* Your daughter develops frequent physical ailments (headaches, nausea, sore throat, etc.) and begins using them as an excuse to stay home from school.
* Your daughter has trouble sleeping or demonstrates noticeable appetite loss.
* Your daughter seems to socialize with friends less and less, begins turning down social engagements and invitations that she might normally have accepted, or starts to avoid before- or after-school socializing.
* Your daughter arrives home with clear signs of physical harassment, including cuts, bruises and/or torn clothing.
If your daughter begins exhibiting any of these signs, take a closer look. Ask questions. Talk with her teachers, school administrators, guidance counselors and coaches, and communicate your concerns to other parents. If your daughter comes home with physical signs of bullying, take immediate action by contacting school officials and consider seeking the support of a qualified counselor. If the bullying persists, you might even consider exploring other schooling options for your daughter, especially educational programs and environments that offer both emotional and psychological support for students who have been bullied. These programs can provide resources and support for girls who need to re-build their self-esteem or develop the personal and interpersonal skills necessary to effectively handle peer pressure and bullying.
Dore Frances, M.A.
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Posted by: anna on September 3, 2007 5:32AM EST
as for your daughter , tell her obviously it is hard to deal with but there are people and yes girls that are just not happy in their lives and feel a need to hurt others in order to attain some type of upper hand and temporary happiness. I would say try to avoid them and it isnt being a coward it is just staying away from girls who are emotionally unstable. bullying is awfull , I was bullied in middle school and i think if someone had told me that these girls were really unhappy inside it would have helped the way I felt. cause back then i always thought they were so happy and I was part of their personal entertainment.
honestly though , make a appt with the counselor without telling your daughter and talk to him about options that you may have. it wouldnt hurt anything to just talk . :) good luck and I hope those unhappy gals leave your girl alone . hang in there.
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Posted by: sj on August 31, 2007 9:24AM EST
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