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Mandatory Family Gatherings

Posted by: Sue F. on June 29, 2007 at 7:39AM EST

My husband has a large extended family who all live in this area. What that means is that we are expected to attend family gatherings for every holiday - from Memorial Day to three different gatherings for Christmas. With the 4th of July coming up next week, I'm dreading yet another demand on my time. Instead of looking forward to a much needed day off and time to relax, I get to look forward to shopping for groceries, cooking all day (or even the night before after working all day), cleaning up mass quantities of dishes and then putting on my happy face and spending hours with people I don't really care about. I pick and choose which events I can tolerate and sometimes don't attend. However, this causes hard feelings and I get the cold shoulder the next time I go to a family get together.

How do others handle these intrusions on their precious free time? My husband is totally understanding and supportive if I don't feel like going. But I sometimes make myself go just to avoid the hard feelings from the other family members. But I end up resenting my time there.

(3) Answers

Posted by: Jax on July 11, 2007 9:35AM EST

Maybe you should explain your feelings to your family members. As a child who was dragged along to some of those things, I hated it too. Sometimes I just wanted to relax with my family at home and not have to worry about the extended family. Take turns and go to one every Christmas, but don't go to all 3 each Christmas. As much as they want to see you explain to them that you can see them at other times throughout the year.

Posted by: Krisi on July 2, 2007 1:36AM EST

I feel for you. I think everyone must be able to at least partially relate. I thought sj's comment was a good one... being out of town.

A couple of years ago, I told my husband that I hated the fact that I never got to do what I wanted to do on Mother's Day. So, we decided that we would honor our mothers on the Sat before Mother's day. This way, I can do what I was doing on Mother's day (shopping, cooking, cleaning, fake happy face, etc), but w a happy, willing attitude. I want to honor our Mother's and treat them extra special once a yr, but I too would like to enjoy that special treatment from my own children and husband. We have an annual fam reunion that is a 4 hr drive. My husband and I do not ever want to attend... but if we don't, it is a big deal and it's hardly worth skipping and being left w dealing w the hurt feelings. I don't know what to tell you, I'm afraid it may be just one more of those things in life that we do w out putting our feelings first. For me, just accepting that it is required, helps me to keep a better attitude. Just do your best to focus on the good part of it and enjoy your husband and kids that day as much as possible. Start having more positive thoughts about it, and it should get easier.

Posted by: sj on June 29, 2007 5:32PM EST

Seems kind of like a no win situation! I've been there many times, and you just have to make the best of it most of the time. Maybe you and your husband could plan to be out of town, or otherwise engaged for some of these holiday gatherings. You know ahead of time that they are coming up-- plan something for y'all to do. That way you can enjoy the times you are with the inlaws, and look forward to special family time with your family.