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mary jane: do as I say, not as I did

Posted by: tee on August 21, 2007 at 9:51AM EST

Here I stand trying to help my spouse with his 15 year old daughter (who does not live with us). I'm concerned that she is not getting all that she needs at home. Her mom works during the night and is not home what seems like alot. I'm concered that she and her mom are not having some necessary communication for this time in her life. When she is with us, I try to foster chats that include drugs, boys, peer issues, college and her future. I just don't know how to tell her not to do drugs w/o feeling like a hypocrite knowing that I did weed sometimes in college. Open to comments. Please advise. Thanks in advance.

(1) Answers

Posted by: sj on August 21, 2007 10:27AM EST

I applaud your willingness to get involved -- especially in conversations that aren't always comfortable. My friends and I have had conversations about this topic, since our children are entering the teen years. First of all, you don't actually have to tell about your own experiences, but I understand how you feel hypocritical-- even in not saying anything about it. But, the truth is, drugs are bad for you-- no matter if you did them at some time in your life or not. And more and more information is coming out about how much worse drugs and drinking are for the developing brains and bodies of teens. There is a lot of good information on the main page of this web site, and you can get facts on the topic by searching the news stories.

Maybe one of the best things you can do for her, is to get her to think about how she makes decisions. Does she think things through on her own, or does she follow the crowd and do what everyone else is doing, regardless of if she thinks it is a good idea or not? She does have a choice in these things, but kids who don't get a clear opinion of what their parents think on an issue-- may go along with anything because they figure it doesn't matter. It would be helpful if her dad could weigh in on the subject-- not necessarily give a lecture, but give his opinion on why it is better to stay away from drugs, drinking and sex at this point in her life. Keeping the lines of communication open is the best thing-- keep on showing her that you care. You may not always get a positive response back, but you may be getting through more than you think! Good luck!