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Mean girls in Public Elementary School

Posted by: g**mom on February 3, 2007 at 7:26PM EST

My daughter is in the fifth grade and is very intelligent. She just won the geography bee at her school. My ? is why at times she is well liked by her peers and at other times her so called friends and down right cruel. I want to help her understand but they say very mean things to her and if I contact her teacher things just get worst. Can anyone help me?I think she a great kid and so do all her teachers and other people who know her. They are bullies and I want to tell her school what going on however she told me not too. What am I going to do, next year she'll be in middle school and needs better coping skills. She's been in tears since this all began.

(3) Answers

Posted by: Kathy on March 15, 2007 12:14PM EST

Obviously, these other girls are jealous. Let your daughter work this out. Do let her know that she doesn't need a million friends just a couple of real friends is better. This age can be tough as they are moving into middle school and searching for their idenity. She is smart and needs to know that is cool.

Posted by: Apollo GT on February 18, 2007 2:21PM EST

Obviously your daughter is not the problem. The others "friends" of her are tagging along and snatch the opportunity to put her down so they can feel better. I think you can see they are jealous of her. Shine with her and when she's in the shade they have someone convenient for them to pick on. She needs new friends but don't make a big scene out of it. Just grow out of the group and make new friends. I know, easy said than done most of the time. But the easiest thing she can start on is not to cry at their actions. If she wants, she can confront them and ask them why they were being mean, ask them right at the moment the incidence happens. Ask the others how they feel if one of them got picked on by the other girls as well. If it gets nasty she should then head directly to someone like a teacher or her friends' parents and tell what just happens. Take charge and it will make her feel really good. Bullies get scared when they cannot predict what you will do.
If your daughter is too shy, it's ok, at least she should ingore them and don't cry. Even the most popular and beautiful girl get picked on in life at an early age, like Tyra Bank for example. Focus on her great quality and ignore them. They DON't deserve her attention.
Let her know that it's not going to be like that all the time. She will meet and befriend with those who are more mature than those mean individuals.
Apollo GT

Posted by: sj on February 6, 2007 9:21AM EST

I understand what you are going through. My daughter is in 6th grade, and luckily has a great group of friends now, but when she was younger, her best friend used to alternate between being nice and mean. It was very hard for her, and for me to try and explain.
I have a couple of suggestions. If you could have a talk with her main teacher and explain what is going on, maybe she could keep an eye on things and intervene. I know your daughter doesn't want you to tell, but this could start affecting her school work and the teacher should know.
Check with your middle school to see if they have different 'tracks' based on the abilities of the child. Next year she will fit in better if she is with other bright kids. It seems unbelieveable that smart kids are bullied, but it's still not cool to be smart!
Keep giving her positive reinforcement-- even when she rolls her eyes, she hears you. I don't know what city you are in, but the latest half hour special by Connect With Kids is called "Silent Witness", and will be airing on tv station partners around the country. It is about bullying, and shows methods that parents and educators can teach kids to stop the bullying and ways that can help them avoid being a target.