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My 6yr old is a bully

Posted by: Devin's Mom on April 21, 2007 at 6:51PM EST

My 6 year old son is a bully. We recently discovered that he is also ADD/ADHD. While the meds are helping him at school and with his work his attitude twords others has grown worse. He hits kids to get his way, punches them and throws chairs at them to get his way. His father and I are seperated ( he was controlling and abusive twords me). Recently I was notified from a close friend of his fathers about abuse that been directed twords my son. I can't get any body to help me. 5 reports to CPS and a police report for indangerment to a child all againest his father whom he lives with ( all in a matter of 7 months). And still no help from the agencies sworn to protect our children. I can't get any one to understand that his behavior maybe a reflection of his lifestyle. I know that no one can really help me with that, but how do I help my son so he doesn't turn into an even bigger bully or worse a wife beater himself. How do I help him? I am soooo worried about the amount of anger he carries around inside of that little body of his. So much at times I think he is going to explode. He even comes at me physcially. He tells me it's ok to yell curse words at people and to hit them to get what he wants because it's what his dad does to him and to others. How do I break past that thought process, he is already hurting people to get what he wants. He tells me it makes him feel good to be bad and mean to others. It makes him strong to hurt people. HOW CAN I SAVE HIM FROM A LIFE OF SELF DISTRUCTION? He has been physocialigicaly evealuated and found to be extremely depressed. I was told he see's no light in his world it is all black and hopeless. HE IS ONLY 6 !!! I am afraid if this goes on much longer I will lose him all together.

(5) Answers

Posted by: clicker on April 25, 2007 2:14AM EST

I was so pleased to read that your son is receiving counseling. He says that he feels powerful by being mean. Maybe the question should be re-worded. Instead of "How does it feel to be mean?" The more important question is "Son, how do you feel when Daddy is mean to you?" It seems that he doesn't understand empathy for others.

Posted by: juff on April 24, 2007 12:49PM EST

You have a difficult situation especially since you are also parenting against your husband. I can not understand (though I don't know the situation) how a social services organization would not see your child in some danger living with his dad since he was abusive to you. I totally agree with Kathy in that you need to attempt to ignore the negative (unless it is physically harmful). I have a friend who has a son who has become very agressive (hitting, throwing things, etc.). The counselor suggested that she read "Win the Whining War and other Skirmishes, ( A Family Peace Plan) by Cynthia Whitham. I think she had to get it on ebay because it is discontinued. Good Luck!

Posted by: Kathy on April 24, 2007 9:58AM EST

It sounds like you are definitely on top of the situaton. Thankfully he is interested in sports. This is a great way to release anger. The attention he receives from being bad is most likely what makes him feel strong inside. Make sure he receives a lot of attention for being good and excelling in school and sports. Stay strong and never give up on him.

Posted by: Devin's Mom on April 23, 2007 2:24PM EST

Thank you so much for leaving a comment. I have tried for awhile now to get him intrested in something but with his ADD it has been a no win situation. He is currently on meds and he is now intrested in sports and reading. He is very smart for his age...He reads on a 5th grade level. His tells me that he is mean and hits people because it's what his dad does to get his way. He also tells me being bad makes him feel strong inside. He has a councler from the state that meets with him 2-3 times a week, I was able to get this for him through the school he attends. Already this year they have wanted to expell him 7 times, I have talked them out of it every time. This just started so I have my fingers crossed that this form of communication will help him. I deal with things like him & his dad making promisses not to tell me that he's getting trouble at school. I speak with his teacher on a daily baises. She informs me of the trouble he's getting into, but when I ask his father he tells me that he has been great at school, no write ups and no suspensions. And I will already know he had been writen up several times for "bursts of anger & an inablitity to controll his own actions". I decided to join beacuse I am in this battle all alone. It will cost me at the least $20,000.00 to take him to court to revert custody. I think more than anything I need some to help me deal with all these emotions of feeling like I can't help my son. It is a heavy burden to bair.

Posted by: Matt Van Hoose on April 22, 2007 6:41AM EST

Have you tried to get him interested in anything....like....model rockets or remote contral cars. I used to be like that when I was little. Everyone told me I was like that because I was adopted or because of something else. I just did it for attention. I don't know your situation though. I have a four year old and I am so scared that he is going to adopt some of the same traits but he hasn't so far....just the normal craziness....lol. I wish I knew more about your situation because it really sounds like he is at the age that he needs help. Sounds like you are doing your part and I know it's hard to reach out for help but we have to do what is best for our children....if we don't....who will?!? Feel free to email me anytime.