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Wanting to help, needing help

Posted by: Benita Greene on January 6, 2008 at 11:34AM EST

Hi, My name is Benita and I am new to the group. I have two children of my own and tend to take in children seeking help. Currently I have an 18 year old here who is my oldest daughters 1/2 sister by their father. She is a "recovering" addict. I think she is using and I know that ignoring the problem won't make it go away. I don't know this child as well as I should to be able to help her.

She came to us wanting to get back in school and get over the drug issues so she can move on to cosmetology school once she finishes getting her GED or diploma (which ever she may choose) I am not dumb..I got high a few times when I was a teenager, but she denied it last night and I know she was high. My husband and I plan to drug test her, but I am being tugged back and forth because I don't want her to feel like we don't believe in her. I watched my two brothers and many friends go down a rough path because of drugs...Her father is an addict and from what I have heard he does nothing to help, just encourages it (yes this is also my 13 year olds father..but they are not in contact)

Any suggestions? Drug test..or not? She works and has contacted the school to get back in the GED program..so there are good and bad things here. She has told us she has cervical cancer, but has not contacted the doctor to continue the freezes...said she refused Chemo..cause she doesn't want to loose her hair.

Is there a step-by-step handbook out there? I am at a lose of where to begin with here...she definately can't do drugs and live here..I have a 13 year old and a 9month old I don't want around that kind of influence. She says she wants help, yet is coming in with red, glassy, dialated eyes...I will take ANY advice...Thanks so much for at least reading, even if you don't have any advice...we appreciate the support!

(3) Answers

Posted by: kimberly grub on January 26, 2008 4:26AM EST

I say test her because you could end up saving her life. It's tough love but we have to do it.

Posted by: juff on January 9, 2008 8:40AM EST

Benita,
I found this article in the parenting tips. It discusses the use of drug testing kits and reactions you might expect. There is also a mention of several other resources. You are a loving and strong person. Good Luck!
http://www.connectwithkids.com/tipsheet/2007/316_jan17/thisweek/070117_drug.shtml

Posted by: sj on January 8, 2008 10:38AM EST

Hey Benita-- You are in a tough place, and one that most people would run away from. I applaud your wanting to help out a young, troubled girl. Dealing with an addict is tough-- it took my sister 15 years to get clean. They are very good at BS'ing people, so you have to go with your gut instincts. I'm sure there is a big part of her that wants to get back on track, but it is not going to be easy. I think the drug tests are a great idea-- you have a clear answer-- she won't like it if she's still using obviously, and will accuse you of not trusting her.

All you can do is all you can do-- there is no magic answer. She has to want it for herself-- whether it is a sober, productive life, or her health or whatever. She has to choose. She is lucky to have a kind and caring soul to support her. But if she chooses to continue using, you have to choose to protect your children from that influence. Good luck and God bless!