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when do I tell my son that his brother is a half brother?

Posted by: anna on September 3, 2007 at 5:39AM EST

my teenager (17) is really mean to my (5) year old out of jealousy or what not . anyway my toddler doesnt understand this . I tell my toddler that it isnt him it is my teen that is kinda wierd right now and i tell my toddler dont worry mommy loves you . now , my toddler was practicing his full name and named us all first and last names . my teen has a different last name but i did not tell my toddler this . my husband says that it is better to leave it alone and not tell my toddler that his older brother is a half brother and has a different last name .

I just was wondering ... when is the appropriate age to tell a child that a sibling is a half brother ?

(5) Answers

Posted by: Mary on September 9, 2007 5:51PM EST

I am the half-sister to 6 siblings (11-30 years apart and am the youngest). I don't think that it is an important issue and might give your teenager "ammo" against his little brother.
My youngest daughter(age1) is a half-sister to my older 2 girls(5 and7) and they don't think of her as their half at all. It's just sister and thats whats important. BTW the baby does have a different last name than the other 2.

Posted by: anna on September 5, 2007 1:08AM EST

yea... they are brothers but when is a good time to tell the young one ... obviously there are jealousy issues stemming from my teenager .. and the toddler doesnt understand that . if he knew the half brother it may help him although i do not think at his young age that would hep him understand the complexity of it all . thanks sue , that sounds good .

Posted by: akela22 on September 4, 2007 8:19AM EST

We've always known from as far back as I can remember that our older sister was our "half" sister. I don't even remember my parents sitting us down and telling us. My dad adopted her when she was very young. Its funny she even looked a little like him. But our parents never made a big deal of it, and we always knew that she was and is our "real" sister.
I might be a little concerned why the 17 yr. old is "mean" to him.

Posted by: akela22 on September 4, 2007 8:13AM EST

We've always known from the first that I can remember that our older sister was our half-sister, and that our father adopted her when she was very young. We never made that distinction between half & full-sister. She is and will always be our "real" sister.

Posted by: Sue F. on September 3, 2007 11:29PM EST

I think this knowledge should be handled in a straightforward, honest manner. My sister was adopted as an infant and I still vividly remember the day we were all told. She was about 9 at the time and I was 7 and it was very traumatic for both of us. I have a friend who was adopted and has always known it. Therefore, she was never shocked with that knowledge. Life is life, you know? Why not just make it a part of normal, everyday, matter-of-fact knowledge. Your 5-year old is young enough that this can be worked into a conversation without it being shocking. If you wait until he's older, he'll wonder what else you aren't telling him. He has to find out sometime so you might as well just ease it into a conversation and act as if it is no big deal because it isn't. Families come in all shapes and sizes nowadays and the fact that they aren't full brothers shouldn't be a big deal. If you treat it as just a simple matter, your 5-year old will as well.