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Why does my teen son tear up when he is being scholded?

Posted by: Dave Dec on July 19, 2007 at 12:10PM EST

When I or his teachers or his mom tell him we do not like his behavour, he tears up, like he wants to cry. He's 14 years old.

He's no trouble just sometimes - I think like a lot of kids - he acts a bit rude. We do not ever hit our kids - ever. And we don't scream at all. We are always calm when we tell him we are upset with the way he is acting.

I started to think its chemical, you know heritatory because I was like that. Even now if my clients or bosses get mad I could get upset.

My son is a great person. He is confident. It's just when his mom or I or a teacher simply tell him we don't like his behaviour he wants to cry.

(3) Answers

Posted by: jrh on July 28, 2007 8:41AM EST

I think back to when I was 14 and was a bit too emotional. Teens have a lot of chemical changes occuring during this time. You cannot be fearful of disciplining as long as your son knows you love him. My boy is 11 and tends to act in this fashion. Boys I believe as girls go though emotional ups and downs more so in these years and need to be discussed with them so they understand. As a parent we need to be more encouraging and less critical - a heck of a balancing act but is required.

Posted by: sj on July 25, 2007 10:15AM EST

I agree with Sue-- I'm the people pleaser, sensitive one in my family. The problem is-- as you know in your work-- you there are times when people don't agree with you, or have a different opinion with than yours. I wish that I had learned how to handle those situations better when I was younger. I spent a lot of time avoiding what I perceived to be conflict, because I wanted people to like me, or I was uncomfortable standing up for what I thought without letting emotions take over. That is such an important life skill and I don't know how you teach that to someone like your son, but it is so worth investigating. Maybe a counselor at school would have some suggestions.

Posted by: Sue F. on July 19, 2007 5:05PM EST

I think God made some of us with thick skin and some of us with thin skin. Sounds like your son (like me) got the thin skin. He'll probably always be like that to a certain extent, but hopefully he'll outgrow a little of it as he matures and learns to control his emotions better.