Fathers Want to Know Best | my son wants to live with me. any suggestion or help.

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my son wants to live with me. any suggestion or help.

Posted by: lito on February 6, 2008 at 3:32PM EST

My son is living in Canada, 16yrs old.

I recieved a phone call yesterday from my son and he metioned he wants to move in with me. The problem is, my ex-wife has the custody and living in toronto, canada. I'm in California. I'm now a us citizen. My son is canadian citizen. Anybody out there has any idea what to do to get my son to live with me?

I appriciate all the infos.

(3) Comments

Posted by: rutheduthie on February 17, 2008 4:11PM EST

First of all, why did he say he wanted to live with you? I am all for children living with their father because they need them as much as they need their mothers; however, is he experiencing some authoritative rules at home that he is defying? Or does he just want to connect with his father and build the relationship? These are things you need to consider. If you are at work most of the time this is not a situation he could benefit from especially at this critical age. Teenage years are the years where parents need to be fully aware and not only that one step ahead of their thinking. If you have a job where you come home at 5 and cook and can present a life conducive for family life then I would condone such a move. Read Money magazine's article in this month's issue about the man that took custody of his four sons. He suffered in the job arena, but feels confident he made the right decision. The rewards are so much greater than financial. If you are remarried and your wife is home and is able to bring a stable family atmosphere to your home then you are set. Go for it. Really, read the Money magazine article. It will give you some insight into the advantages and disadvantages.
Ruth

Posted by: sj on February 13, 2008 12:33PM EST

I would take it slowly and make sure that he is sure that is what he wants to do. I know you would love to have your son come live with you, but he has to be ready to leave his friends and start a new life. Is he just mad at his mom and thinking he needs a break? Do you live in a good school district where he can finish his education? You should check out the high school he would be going to. This is a big decision for him. Just keep talking to him and supporting what he is feeling.

Posted by: SIDNEY CRAWFORD on February 11, 2008 4:29PM EST

Dear friend,
At 16 your son is going through many challenges internally, because thats where the real battle is. He wants to live with you because he feels a piece missing from himself. It would likely be the same even if you had custody and his mother was the away love source. He is at, or coming to an age where he can understand the circumstances of this world, and it's life issues if they are explained to him correctly.
Soon he will be able to make many more decissions on his own, as the laws provide.
Until then he needs to understand that there are thousands of BOYS his age that are dealing with the same issues as he..., many of whom, will make bad decissions because they feel that they are alone.
Even if your son does not get to live with you anytime soon, you can help him stand strong and make yourself stronger by letting him hear the struggles of your life, and maybe some of his mother's.
When the heart feels sympathy for another, it tends to forget it's own pain.
( Sid Crawford)