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Fathers Want to Know Best

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Opinion needed

Posted by: Dad4Girls on October 28, 2007 at 6:47PM EST

I have 4 daughters, and our oldest is getting old enough for some serious discussion about you know what....sex. Honestly, I am terrified.

I have no idea what to say if she asks me if I ever "did it" before I got married. The fact is, I want her to save herself for her husband, after she gets married, and I strongly feel abestenance is the only way. The problem is, if this question comes up, the honest answer is the answer I don't want to give. Any advice??

(4) Comments

Posted by: Ariella on January 23, 2008 4:15PM EST

Your post was so interesting to me, and I was intrigued to read the comments others left. My advice to you would be to be real with your children. They will respect you if you tell them the truth, admit your mistakes, and encourage them to do better. There's nothing like the testimony of someone who says, "I've been there, and I want something better for you." While it is humbling and uncomfortable, they will not resent you, but instead respect you. You are so noble and brave to fight for the purity of your daughters, and encourage them toward a healthy lifestyle that will protect them.

Posted by: sj on October 31, 2007 9:06AM EST

I personally don't think our kids want the details of our lives, but they do want to know our values and our expectations for them. Ultimately, our kids will make the choice for themselves, but you can give them the gift of your wisdom, love, and the hard facts, so they can make an informed decision. It's not a comfortable conversation, but it's so important. Whether you waited or not, there are good reasons to wait-- and having the male perspective is important--girls don't realize that boys' brains and physiology are different than theirs! If your daughter is at least middle school age, there is a book called Girlology that has been very helpful to me. I gave it to my daughter, but I learned a lot by reading it too! Hang in there Dad-- you are doing the right thing!

Posted by: juff on October 30, 2007 11:55AM EST

I have two boys and we have started the discussion with my 11 year old. I agree that it is not an easy one to start. We have been discussing development for about a year. I think human development is the easiest place to start. I personally think it would easier to begin this discussion with girls (maybe that is because I am a girl). Boys and girls bodies develop in very specific ways. They need to know what is happening to them before it happens. Find an opportunity to talk to your daughter in a very casual setting (maybe on the floor of her room while she is listening to music or something). You will know when you have provided enough information by your daughters expression. Let her know you are available to answer her questions at any time. Good Luck!

Posted by: Lily on October 29, 2007 10:12AM EST

I am curious about how old your daughter is. I do not think we have to be totally honest with our children about what we did when we were younger (and more impressionable and less responsible than we are now). For example my very responsible 40 year old brother got a DUI when he was a teenager. I can assure you there is no way in he-- his teenage daughters will every find out about that!! I suspect that as parents sometimes we have to couch the truth. It's our job to be their parent, not their friend. Keep in mind though that part of maturing into adulthood is making bad choices, dealing with the consequences and not making those mistakes again. You may not have been a virgin when you got married but it seems like you turned out to be a pretty darn good dad!!