I wonder if it isn’t a big mistake to send your child to a college that’s far away. For lots of kids, not all maybe, but for many, I think it is a mistake. A fundamental one.

My oldest just went away to college, a campus that’s only an hour and a half away. In the first six weeks of school, she’s been home 3 times. And I was glad of it. I think she still needs me.

We all know that, in America, we have delayed adolescence, that most kids still act like kids throughout most of their college years and even later. (The word “sophomoric” came into existence for a reason.) And recently we’ve learned that this delay is partly the result of the inevitable slow development of the brain: the part of the brain responsible for judgment and impulse control isn’t fully mature until the mid-20’s or so, later for boys than girls.

My point is I don’t think we’re done yet. I think we have a lot of parenting work left when our children go off to college. And that means support and love and good counsel and even some supervision. And that’s hard to do when you’re far away.

I know it’s a balancing act. Parents shouldn’t overdo it. Kids need to learn independence, need to learn how to manage their lives on their own, and they won’t if parents constantly interfere and “hover.” But support and advice and an emotional embrace isn’t pestering, isn’t interference, and I think she still needs that.

Of course, some might say “she doesn’t need it as much as you do.” Maybe. I don’t really think so. Though I will say I had a tear in my eye when she left. And I miss her.