GRANDPARENTING 101 - continued

One of the most wonderful things about being a grandparent is that you can go to their home, hug them, squeeze them, give them kisses, listen to their thoughts and even spoil them a little bit. Then, when they are all wound up, full of energy, screaming and laughing you can kiss them goodbye and go home, leaving their parents to deal with them the rest of the day and night. That’s one of the reasons it’s grand to be a grandparent.

Lesson 3 - my younger son told me that G-d created grandparents so that every child would know that someone loves “me” no matter what. They don’t care how I look, dress, what grades I get, who my friends are, whom I date, what my hair looks like and how messy my room is. She, G-d, believes that grandparents love without qualification, judgment, condition or strings attached. Parents must deal with praise and punishment, trust and judgment, support and demands and the trials and tribulations of everyday life.

Lesson 4 - grandparents offer a soft shoulder to cry on when things go wrong and nobody else understands them. They give them the most precious gift of all - their time and their ears - to listen and not just hear. Sometimes the hardest thought to get across to your grandchildren is that you will always love them no matter what they do but you might not always like them when they do something unacceptable. Tell them often enough and they will understand. Help them to follow their dreams and discover their world and their place in it. Assure them that you will always be there for them.

Finally, being a grandparent is G-d’s way of getting even with your children for whatever sleepless nights they caused you when they, themselves, were children. Remember telling t\hem - “just wait until you have children of your own - then you’ll see.” Well, the waiting time is over and here we are.

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I have decided to make a report on grand-parenting dos and don’ts. I call it simply “Grand-parenting 101.” I’m going directly to the source for my information by contacting my children and my grandchildren in order to become educated on the subject - especially from the grandchildren. What GPs should and shouldn’t do. So far, I’ve received many thoughts on the subject. If you have any suggestions please e-mail me.

Lesson 1 - I’ve been told several times “you are a GRAND parent - NOT a PARENT.” Wow. How can my children - who are, in my eyes, still CHILDREN - raise their children - MY grandchildren? Oh yes - I forgot that my wife and I raised our children to be good caring people, loving and trustworthy people, helpful and nurturing people and to make mature, adult decisions. Therefore, if we did OUR job correctly - my grandchildren are in very good hands and so are yours.

Lesson 2 - My oldest grand-daughter - age 23 - told me that GPs should make it a point to see their grandchildren as often as possible regardless of the age of those grandchildren. Interesting. I figured that after they’ve reached a certain age grandparents wouldn’t be as needed as they were when the kids were small. Look how wrong we can be. So, spend time with and, of course, money on them and just be there for them even if they don’t ask.

More lessons to follow.

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Parents today seem to have more trouble then we did in determining when to allow their children to do or not to do certain things. Many years ago my wife and I decided "to allow" - as long as they had very little chance of getting hurt or hurting others.

My youngest son, at about 9 or10, decided that he wanted to play Little League tackle football. Needless to say, my wife was apprehensive. We discussed the matter, talked to the coach and said YES. Our son was ecstatic. He played against kids his own age and weight. Some were better than he, some worse. Sure, he got some bruises, aches and pains. But he enjoyed them and proudly showed them off.

When he was 12, he decided to give up football because many of the kids were bigger and stronger than he. "They could really hurt me,” he said. That was the end of football. Most kids really do know their own limits. My oldest daughter, who was in High School, decided she wanted to join the school's swim team - as a diver. We gave her request a lot of consideration since she had never dived competitively. Again we said OK. She was up every morning at about 6AM - hot or cold - and practiced for about 2 hours. Then she was off to class. This lasted some 2+ years. She didn't win many trophies or first places but it was, in her words, a wonderful experience - learning to do something she had never tried before. She was really proud of herself and so were we. My oldest son didn't want to play Little League baseball, but we insisted. He was about 8, a little lazy and not particularly athletic (he took after me). He "made" the team and grudgingly went into the outfield. Fortunately, few balls were hit into that area. Sometimes they rolled out there when the infielders didn't pick up the ball. He sat out there most of the time picking flowers and weeds. We abandoned baseball after about a year or so. He went on to enjoy kayaking, tennis and flying.

My youngest daughter wanted to try everything - tennis, swimming, singing, dancing, acting and entering beauty contests for children. She didn't win any prizes but excelled at some. The other activities were wonderful experiences, she said. Win or not, excel or not, succeed or not - they were all very fulfilling activities that taught them all that they could do things they had never done, could stick to them even when they were not doing well, could get along with others and participate in team work. No activities damaged them or their self-esteem.

They are all adults now - which, as most parents agree, is hard to believe. One is a real estate attorney held in high regard, another a well known Circuit Court judge, another a wonderful, caring social worker and the youngest is a gifted free- lance writer, director and public relations "maven" in business for herself. Two were high school valedictorians and all graduated college with high honors. I guess I'm trying to point out that no experience is a bad one, as long as no one gets hurt. Every one teaches and encourages us to do things we never thought we could do. So, I say to all parents, let 'em try - encourage your children to experience as much of life as possible - just as long as they can't get hurt or hurt others. They will surely turn out to be better, well-rounded adults for each experience. By the way, that applies to all of us - kids, parents and grandparents. We're never too old to learn.

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Those Born 1930-1979!

TO ALL THE KIDS

WHO SURVIVED the
1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and

NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because .

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING !

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.

And we were O.K.

 

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down
the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computer! s, no Internet or chat rooms.......
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,

made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang
the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.

They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned

HOW TO

DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them . . . CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as
kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives

for our own good .

And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

 

 

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