Although my children are past the “going to college” age, I thought I might share a story with those of you who still have children graduating from high school. .

Our oldest son - who was far from being an “A” student in high school- was about to graduate. He was industrious and worked at several part time jobs during the school year. He was skilled with his hands and could repair and assemble almost any appliance or car. He understood complicated instructions as they applied to technical equipment which was - and still is - beyond my comprehension. He caused no problems and seldom got into any serious trouble. He simply didn’t enjoy school and did just enough to get by.

Graduation day was approaching and the subject at home was college - to go or not to go. We had numerous discussions. My wife and I voted for college, he voted for a trade school - plumber, electrician, automobile mechanic, etc. We all agreed that there was no right or wrong about which path to follow. A compromise was needed. So, we asked him to attend a local community college, live at home, work part time, etc. It was agreed that he could quit college after the first year if he felt that it wasn’t for him. Fast forward a year. He came to us and said that he had decided to go to a four year university. Just like that - no prompting, no arguments, no threats, etc. We happily asked what made him change his mind and he simply said “I finally learned how to study.” He went, graduated with honors, went on to Law School and ranked first in his class. He is now a highly respected attorney who has been voted the “best” in his legal specialty.

Never give up your hopes for your children. My point really doesn‘t have to do only with college. It is to remind you that all children mature at different ages and have different goals and abilities. We all want the best for our children but what we consider the best is not always what they consider the best. Compromises are needed and most decisions are not set in stone. It’s important that your children have input in decisions that affect them, but - different input at different ages. That should help all of us live happily ever after.

I find it interesting that there are so many recommendations, articles and conversations about bullying.  It appears that this problem is a new one - something that has never existed until today.  The truth of the matter is that bullying has existed for as long as I can remember and that is a long, long time.  It starts as early as pre-school and continues throughout college and even in the work place.  Telling your teachers and your parents sometimes makes the situation worse but they must be told.  Unfortunately, some teachers do not take the matter seriously.  They think that "boys will be boys."

I remember my youngest daughter having the problem in middle school.  She had red hair which made her different.  One day a much bigger girl started bullying her.  I don't recall how but they became friends and the other girl became her "protector."  That is one solution.  My oldest son was also a victim of bullying.  His sister told me and I called the bully.  I told him that if he touched my son again I would break every bone in his body.  I recall that it helped - at least for awhile.   My personal approach to being bullied was a bit different.  I was fat, of a different religion than 95% of my classmates and of a different race than 100% of my neighbors. I was neither a good fighter nor a fast runner.  I was, however, a fast "talker" and had a good sense of humor.  I used both attributes to avoid being bullied until I learned to physically defend myself or the bullies moved on to others.

It is the responsibility of parents and teachers to be aware of the situation.  Talking to the parents of the bullies doesn't always work because, many times, the parents, themselves, are/were bullies.  Ask questions and look for personality and mood changes. Talk to their friends and siblings.  Don't be afraid to become involved if you feel there's a problem.  It is better to "embarass" your child - 'cause that is what you'll be told - than allow him/her to be bullied.  Bullying is hard to discover and harder to stop unless we get involved in this very unacceptable situation.  Maybe we can't stop the practice altogether but we can certainly stop it as it concerns our own children - and that is one of our primary goals.