GRAND Parenting | Concern for Grandpa

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GRAND Parenting

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Concern for Grandpa

Posted by: Ginger on September 17, 2007 at 9:29AM EST

My father (the only Grandpa my son has ever known) has been in the hospital twice this summer. The first was for a back surgery for which he has been recoving nicely; the second was for pneumonia. My son shows concern, sympathy -- calls, visits (Grandpa lives in Florida so it's not a hardship exactly!) and sends notes and emails. It's interesting to watch my son --sometimes he is very concerned, but after a few moments it's like he decides not to be worried. Ah, childhood! I tend to appreciate this division of feelings, because, after all, a 12-year-old's world doesn't typically include doctors, hospitals, therapy, medicines, etc. Thank goodness. And yet, it is how we learn compassion o help support people we love. Sometimes my son wishes his Grandpa could visit us again (it will be a little while until he can travel); sometimes he doesn't understand if his Grandpa forgets something or says the same thing to him half a dozen times in a weekend (surgery can be very hard on the memory). But we talk about it, we take a walk to put some space and time between us, and again, we cover compassion and empathy as characterstics to embrace as we mature. It's not perfect, but it's a start. Just wondering if anyone else has had to deal with some of these issues and what your advice might be?

(3) Comments

Posted by: Lily on September 21, 2007 10:56AM EST

My dad has had cancer 5 years ago and wasn't expected to live. Thank God, he did and is a walking miracle. However, every time he has a check up, scan or MRI, the old fears come back. Recently they found a spot on his pancreas they are watching. I didn't mention this to my younger children, I'd rather wait til we know more. But my older son, age 13, is pretty spiritual and I share with him so he can pray about it. That makes him (and me) feel better about the situation.

Posted by: stan emas on September 19, 2007 1:28PM EST

I think it is wonderful that God gave children not only the power to be sympathetic but also the ability to quickly ignore the negative. Imagine going thru life remembering all of the personal tragedies that have taken place since your birth. For me, it's enuf that my grandson cares, worries for a short time and then moves on with his life. He will remember but he will not dwell on the "bad" times. I love him just as he is.

Posted by: Sue F. on September 17, 2007 11:26PM EST

I think sometimes kids distance themselves when someone they love is ill or failing. It's a protective measure because maybe they can't deal with a situation that makes them so uncomfortable. My mom has had two surgeries (one major), pneumonia, chemo and radiation in the past year and my son has had his ups and downs dealing with it. She has felt the distance sometimes and it hurts her. But I think the fact that he lost a grandparent to cancer when he was younger has caused him to pull away in order to protect himself. Of course, I talk to him and stress the importance of treating her with respect, compassion and kindness. He does these things, but there is still a strain on their relationship. But it sounds like you are doing all the right things. I'm interested to see how others have handled this. I hope to pick up some tips as well.