GRAND Parenting | Grandparents telling their grandchildren they have Cancer

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Grandparents telling their grandchildren they have Cancer

Posted by: Dorothy Stahlnecker on February 1, 2008 at 12:33AM EST

When I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer December 21, I had no idea of the total effects if would have on my family, friends, and life in general.

I knew there would be a lot to do before my operation on January 18th however, I hadn't thought about my two youngest grandchildren Noah 4 and William 13. How do you tell them what is in store for you during the next 6 months.

If was easier for William, however, Noah was another story. He didn't understand why he wouldn't be seeing his grandma as much.or why I'd have less energy. When Noah visits it was always non stop whatever we could think of. Play, walk, color..shop go to McDonalds. Cuddle up on the couch and watch his favorite videos. With 30 staples, and more I wouldn't be able to cuddle for awhile either.

Then the issue of loosing all my hair. I had no idea how to explain that to Noah.

So I asked my daughter to bring him over, and I told her I'd be preparing him for the future. He was so happy to see me, he wanted to jump into my arms although his mom had prepared him that wouldn't be alright with my surgery. I believe God inspired me as to what to say to Noah.

I showed him my staples, he was alright as he realized his dog had just had staples and was doing great. Then we spent at least an hour playing and talking when I told him there was one more thing. I would be taking medicine to make be better which would have to take all of my hair. At first he was upset, then I explained we would be drawing pictures, laughing at my bald head and being glad the sickness was going away. Somehow, someway, I'm not entirely sure all that I said. Noah established comfort. I was so relived, he'd seen me healthy before he would see me bald.

With our faith our God, my family and friends we'll get through this journey. it will probably be my hardest time in my life. Although the rewards life.....are worth the effort.

When and if your ever sick, and are close to your grandchildren, prepare them for what will be happening to you. Make it something they understand. If you need help figuring out what to say, get professional and in some cases your minister or priest can help.

We're doing fine, Noah wonders when he can sleep over..this is a good thing. Preparing is the best way to help your grandchildren or children through difficult times.

Life is filled with the unexpected..get ready.

My best,

Dorothy from grammology

remember to call gram

www.grammology.com

(10) Comments

Posted by: Dorothy Stahlnecker on June 16, 2008 5:17PM EST

Thanks for all the support, I've been off line for awhile, however, I'm back and only have one treatment left on June 30th..big celebration when thats over. I love this site and have missed it dearly..

My best,
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
grammology.com

Posted by: Dorothy Stahlnecker on April 19, 2008 9:36AM EST

Ladies, thanks for all your support. It appears I have a routine now. One week every four weeks is a little rough...I can live with that for the next three months. I finish chemo in July...what a celebration..then my bald head will grow hair and I'll get to see what comes in. They say you never know..I may be all white or all curly....it'll be fun...I'm feeling strong and focused...thank you for all your support it has been part of my healing...

Lots of hugs and blessings as I come back to the real world....

Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
www.grammology.com

Posted by: Dorothy Stahlnecker on March 1, 2008 7:22PM EST

I'm still here and yes, keeping the faith although you do have down times. Thanks for being there when I'm able to write.

Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
www.grammology.com

Posted by: Sue F. on February 24, 2008 10:53AM EST

I was just wondering how you were doing. Thanks for letting us know. I'm sorry it has hit you so hard. I'll keep praying for you.

Posted by: Dorothy Stahlnecker on February 24, 2008 6:14AM EST

Good morning, its Sunday 6:11 Buffalo, New York time. I've down with the chemo for almost two weeks. Couldn't even open my computer...today is a grand day. No chemo until March 10th now..I breathe I eat I live. I just posted on the tweens for that precious 13 year old..will try to come back..have to rest..miss and love you guys for your support.

Dorothy from grammology
remember to call your gram
www.grammology.com

Posted by: Dorothy Stahlnecker on February 10, 2008 12:28PM EST

sj, with pleasure. I love the support it's helped me a great deal. Tomorrow is my first chemo and I'll let you guys know how I do. My prayers indicate just fine..

My best,
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
www.grammology.com

Posted by: Sue F. on February 4, 2008 10:39PM EST

Dorothy - Don't be disheartened about the hair loss. They say some people don't even lose their hair with chemo and some only have thinning. My mom's chemo started on Halloween 2006 and she still had quite a bit of hair in our Christmas photos that year. She did finally end up having me shave her head at some point after that (it's all a blur), but there was a slow transition period in there when it was just thinning. So don't think it will all fall out at once and Noah and William will be shocked to see you. The progression should happen slowly (if at all) so they will get used to the "new" you a little at a time.

My son was five when his grandfather (my father-in-law) lost his hair due to chemo. I don't even remember it being an issue. Kids seem to accept things as they come more readily than we adults do as long as they are prepared in advance and I know that you are doing just that.

My hope is that you won't lose your hair at all because I know as a woman how that will bother you. But I'm also praying for an easy time with the treatments and a quick recovery.

Posted by: Dorothy Stahlnecker on February 3, 2008 2:03PM EST

Sue and sj thank you. My granddaughters told me Noah came home and said you know grandmas going to loose her hair. She's going to wear scarfs and we're going to draw pictures. He was fine..now in a few weeks I have to be as God inspired when he sees me. I begin Chemo next week and they said it takes a couple of weeks before it falls out. I'll continue to reinforce in a gently way and we'll get through this together.

These blogs to talk to have been very important to me. They are a way of cleansing my soul which I need badly. As I'm fearful of the unknown. Thanks you so much for your support. It has been part of my healing...

Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
www.grammology.com

Posted by: Sue F. on February 1, 2008 9:24PM EST

Dorothy, I'm glad to see you back on the site! I've been wondering how you are doing. I'm sure your first instinct was to shield the grandchildren from your illness, but I'm glad you're being up front about your surgery and what affects to expect from your treatment. I think talking about things openly and honestly is so much better for kids. If they feel you are keeping things from them, it makes everything much more scary to them.

Posted by: sj on February 1, 2008 4:42PM EST

Dorothy--
Thanks for being an inspiration to us all, and showing us how to face the hard conversations with honesty and love. I know you have lots of support, but I want to add mine to the pile. Keep the faith and the positive attitude. Let us know how you are doing!