One of the things that I’ve learned about being a single mom of teens is that everything will not get done. It’s a given. In my previous incarnation as a stay-at-home mom I always felt busy.

Now that I’m divorced and back in the workforce, busy doesn’t begin to describe my life. It’s all a blur, really. So I’ve had to back down off my standards. Sometimes I have to get a “B”. And at 44, that’s OK with me now. I’m not as interested in doing things perfectly as I was when I was younger. Now I’d just like to survive!!!

What I’m learning though, is that the best way to survive the frenetic activity is to stop expecting myself to get everything done and to stop trying to multi-task. When I allow myself the luxury of focusing on one task at a time, I feel much more satisfied with each activity.

And when I give myself permission to leave some of the chores until another time, I respect my own need for rest. And when I allow myself to rest, my attitude stays better and I actually get more done. I don’t do any of these things perfectly either, mind you, but the more I focus on listening to myself, taking care of myself and being present with whatever it is that I’m doing, the more satisfied I feel with my life.

One of the most frustrating things about being a working Mom is the guilt I feel that I cannot do it all. I have a limited amount of time to spend on housework, laundry; holiday decorating, ”un-decorating,” baking, etc. We all want our house to be tidy and clean and completely decorated for the appropriate holiday with yummy food in the frig and fresh baked cookies on the counter. As a working Mom I have limited time to do these things.

Our neighborhood has a contest to see who can decorate their house the “best” for the holidays. Unfortunately right now, I still have Halloween decorations to put away before we start with the Christmas Holidays. I know some of these people work as well that have their houses all decorated so how do they do it? I want my house all decorated too but when we all get in after school, basketball, soccer, work we have barely enough time to grab something to eat and get homework done and prepare for the next days activities. How do I make time to do all these things?

This past weekend we had to juggle football playoffs, basketball, and a retreat to the North Georgia Mountains, a stomach bug. I think this holiday season I am going to have to accept that I cannot do it all. Which of course means accepting that someone will be disappointed. We will have some family time this weekend in which we will all pitch in and clean and decorate so that will help.

I am a working mom and it is tough, but what mom isn't a working mom?

During most of my years as a mom, I have indeed worked in a position outside of the home, but I have had times of working only within my home (I just didn't get paid for it), and I know that's not always a walk in the park either. I do recall a feeling, too, during those days, of not getting a certain sense of respect from my former cohorts or from other moms who were working. Like somehow I wasn't doing enough, or that I wasn't doing something fulfilling, or that the work I once did must not have been important enough, or that I had no financial fears, or I don't know. Of course I recall as well the moms who worked only at home (not getting paid) having certain doubts about those who dropped their kids off at daycare…

Maybe they can't deal with their own kids, maybe their work is more fulfilling to them, couldn't they be damaging their children by not bonding enough with them, etc. It seems those days may be passing. It seems that women are finally deciding to support a variety of decisions that we all must make given our different circumstances. I hope this is true. Do you think we finally feel secure enough to not judge each other?

Working full-time sandwiched between 2 teenagers and my own aging mother, I generally feel more like an octopus or juggler extraordinaire than I do a mom. Ok, I know I'm not alone as there are thousands of other moms toiling away as I type, but I guess I just need to vent. Rarely do I take time to reflect on this crazy existence, but just now as I was finishing the laundry while simultaneously discussing future college plans with one daughter while telling the other to finish her math homework, something hit me. It's not one of those more common flashes of worry like, Oh, did I forget to let the dog back in the house before leaving for work; it's more that vague sense of feeling empty - that something vital just isn't there -or maybe it's just not accessible right now.

Maybe as I think aloud here, something will guide me toward an understanding of what's missing, or maybe another mom or dad out there will have some wisdom. Anyway, I know that I keep the balls in the air fairly well. My dashboard, fridge and doorways are covered with post-it notes to help keep me on track. I've got the cleaning down to a relative science, and I definitely believe that child labor can be a good thing. I've simplified my social life down to celebrating birthdays and major holidays. I don't know how anyone did this before email and cell phones, and like a lot of people, my best thinking is done in the shower. I know I'll have more time to meet my own needs in future years, and I'm really quite ok with that. These

Girls are such gifts and while they are still living with me, it's right that they are the focus. Maybe, though, it's gradually coming to me. Maybe it's something about always feeling like a drill sergeant. Or maybe it's what I've cut out or not felt like I've had the time and space for – like baking cookies. You know it just would be so incredibly luxurious to fuss over my kids and sometimes over indulge them, or to just sit and really talk - everyday- before they are gone. Remember that Harry Chapin song, "Cats in the Cradle?"