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Just Friends?

Posted by: Callie Mercer on July 31, 2007 at 9:29AM EST

What is it about boys that makes girls not be able to eat and have butterflies in their stomach constantly? Is it their smile, their personality, their "manliness".... what is it?

For me, it's a boy I can spend hours to talking on the phone about anything. Someone who cares about me and asks how I REALLY am doing. Someone who can look into my eyes and I know they see me for me. Someone who will protect me.

But how can you tell the difference between just friends or "interested"? Last summer, I met this incredible guy and we dated for a while. It ended because he lived about an hour away but this summer we reconnected and I am lost in a handful of emotions. I'm not sure if I like him and the same emotions are coming back from last summer or if I'm just so used to having those emotions with him that there's nothing else to look at him as than someone I'm interested in.

However, there is a twist to it. He broke up with his girlfriend he dated about a month and a half ago and he clearly isn't interested in a relationship right now. I respect that completely. But, how do I know when its appropiate to take the next step?

Do I still care for him? Yes, more than anything. Do I like him as a boyfriend? Possibly. Does he like me? THAT IS THE QUESTION. Yesterday he came to my house with his brother and we spent from 4 in the afternoon to about 11:30 that night together hanging in my basement and going out to dinner at Cheesecake Factory. From my perspective, there was def. the "eye contact" that you know is flirting and I'm interested, but at the same time we have yet to tell each other how we really feel about each other. I don't want to be the one to make the next move, but I don't want to wait around forever not even completely knowing if he likes me. He is going to college at Georgia in the fall and I'm going to be a senior in high school. Should I wait?

(5) Comments

Posted by: wolfy on August 7, 2007 9:40AM EST

what i think is that when youre sure that you feel that way you should go out and say it .

Posted by: Chandler DeWitt on August 2, 2007 10:00AM EST

Everyone has left really good advice. I don't think you should wait for him. Your senior year is coming up and you need to spend your time having fun. If it is meant to be everything will work out. You don't want to miss out on your senior year, it is one of the best years of your life!

You have already heard my advice. I would just stay close friends with him and see what happens. He is a Great guy! and it will all work out in the end!!

Posted by: Elizabeth King on August 2, 2007 9:17AM EST

I agree with Ginger. My brother is about to go off to college and he is dating a senior in high school. My moms biggest fear is that my brother will miss out meeting so many different people at Alabama because he will want to come home every weekend and see his girlfriend. She wants him to get the full college experience. Also, my mom doesn't want his girlfriend to miss out on her senior year.

The only advice I'm able to give is stay good friends with him and if it is meant to work out it will! Good luck Haylee!!

Posted by: Ginger on August 1, 2007 1:08PM EST

Wow, I would add a comment but Jax seemed to cover it beautifully! I think she raised really important points that only another person in college would get. One thing I just thought of though is YOU and YOUR SENIOR year. You should be having a wonderful time with new and old friends -- maybe even find a boyfriend here -- b/c it's your last year in high school and there really are a lot of fun things to do and still to learn. Be careful, be safe, and have fun! You can learn a lot about relationships in high school, too. I hope you have a wonderful year, and I hope your friend at UGA remains that at least -- a good friend of yours that you can talk to and perhaps visit. Adult relationships are complex, so take it slowly and be as clear as you can when you communicate. Good luck!

Posted by: Jax on July 31, 2007 10:30AM EST

You'll get different opinions here, but here's my advice from a college sophomore. Last year I saw two of my good friends struggle through long distance relationships. They both maintained them, but there were nights of crying and loneliness. It's hard because you want your boyfriend there holding your hand. It gets to the point where it's not enough to talk to them on the phone every night. Most people say that if you're in a relationship it ends by Thanksgiving. It would be easier for you because UGA is only an hour away, but there's still issues. It's his freshmen year in college and if he's in a relationship it might be more difficult for him to make friends. He might also feel like he's not being loyal if he goes to parties or hangs out with a bunch of girls--I know my one friend felt this way. It was a hard thing for him to overcome. I don't want to tell you what to do because it's different for every couple, but know that he will be in a different stage in his life from you as soon as UGA starts. College is a totally different ballgame. Knowing you, I'm sure he is a great guy and would never cheat or even think about it, but being in a relationship is going to put a certain about of pressure on him to stay on the right path. He's going to have to make friends and it is difficult when he's connected because everyone will look at him differently (guys and girls) and might not be as eager to give him a call to do something (I know it's horrible, but it's true). So coming from someone who watched other couples experience this, some couples stayed together and others broke up, it's different for every couple. However, I would recommend letting him start freshmen year, make friends, see how it's going, and then decide if he wants to be in a relationship. One of the hardest things is loving someone and watching them date other people or just letting them go because it is better for them. If it's meant to work out, it will, you know God put him in your life for a reason--whatever that reason is! Friends or boyfriend, he's still a great guy and will hopefully always be one of your best friends.