My best friend just returned from taking her son back to his college campus.  He's a sophomore this year and living in a house with three other boys.  The house they are living in is brand new, purpose-built for college students with four bedrooms and four bathrooms off a communal living room and kitchen.  Sounds pretty nice to me!  A room to yourself in college is a luxury and not to have to share a bathroom is almost unheard of!! 

My friend and her son loaded up a UHaul truck with the contents of his bedroom from home...rug, bed, desk, dresser and bedside table.  She bought him a new bedspread at Linens and Things and they thought he'd have a very nice room. 

Once they arrived at the house and saw what his friends had, things changed.  One boy's mom had bought them an Oriental rug for their living area and a very nice sofa.  Another's parent had gotten them a 50 inch flat screen TV (it had a slight flaw so someone was going to get rid of it)!  Two other boys had custom made furniture for their rooms....I am talking the kind of stuff nicer than most comfortable middle class families would have!!   They had high end bed spreads, matching window treatments, etc....

My friend and her son were stunned.  He set up his room and didn't say a word to his mother about it being inferior, but they certainly noticed.  It would be impossible not to.  My friend said she didn't sleep well that night, thinking and worrying that her son might feel inferior himself.  I assured her that her son's room was the typical college room, not the ones with the luxury upholstered headboards and high end sheets. 

What message are we sending our kids when we outfit a 19 year old's room like a New York City bachelor pad?   Are they doing it for themselves or for their sons?