My World! | Stay out or get involved?

Archives

• Current Entries
• December 2007
• October 2007
• September 2007
• August 2007
• July 2007
• June 2007
• May 2007

Search:

My World!

Comments From the X and Y Generations Click Here to Add a New Entry

<< Prev | Main | Next >>

Stay out or get involved?

Posted by: Callie Mercer on June 28, 2007 at 9:47AM EST

Recently, two of the most important people in my life got in a huge fight. They both were really upset and said things they didn't mean. For a long time I stood there listening to them go back and forth and I wanted more than anything to get involved and help the situation. Every time I looked at the two people they looked like they were in so much pain, and it was hard for me to see two people that I love so much fighting.

I have the sort of personality where I want to fix any situation where there is a problem. I get myself involved too much because I want to help, but at the same time, it sometimes only makes things worse. Either I dont say something the right way or the other person thinks I'm siding with the other.

The worst part about these sort of situations is that I have sympathy for both parties. I'm not siding with either one, but when I feel I need to step in and help them stand back and evaluate the situation, I have no problem getting involved.

It's hard for me to sit back and watch my friends or family go through pain. If anything, I'd rather that pain be inflicted on me because I feel I can handle it. However, that pain doesn't usually transfer to me; the pain just continues to grow in the situation and usually ends up with more confusion than from the beginning. For some reason though I can't stop myself from getting involved, and because most of the time my close friends and family come and talk to me about their problems, I feel obligated to help.

Any suggestions?

Does anyone have any suggestions?

(4) Comments

Posted by: juff on July 6, 2007 11:28AM EST

I am just curious if any of you "fixers" are middle children? I am. I try to mediate, take care of and make everyone happy. I am the "fixer". You may not think everyones burdens get to you but be careful. You may find one day that you are exhausted and you can't figure out why. It may be that you have taken on all of the worlds problems. It is not such a bad thing. If people are always coming to you it means that you are a good listener which is a very valuable quality of a friend!!

Posted by: Krisi on July 2, 2007 12:58AM EST

I agree w both Sue and Jax. Also, remember that sometimes people just like to feel like you are listening when they share frustrations w you. They are not always seeking any type of problem solving or input... just for an ear. Good luck.

Posted by: Jax on June 30, 2007 4:19PM EST

It's hard to see 2 people fighting and not get involved, especially when they put you in the middle of the situation. In my HOD class at school, we learned to 'detriangle,' which means you step back from the situation. You shouldn't side with either person; instead, tell the two people to talk to each other and work it out. When each person talks to you individually, repeat what they are saying to you so they understand how they feel. Sometimes people just talk without listening to what they are really saying. It's hard to watch them go through the pain, but it's also painful to you to be in the middle of the situation and not have the ability to do anything about it. Good luck with the situation and to the 2 people!

Posted by: Sue F. on June 28, 2007 10:05AM EST

I'm a "fixer" like you, Callie. Always have been. I've always been the one everyone came to with their problems and I've always felt the weight of their problems to the extent that I sometimes let their problems affect me negatively as well. My advice to you would be to stay on the sidelines initially to see if they can work it out on their own. However, if it goes on for a ridiculous period of time, I would probably step in and just mention to each that the other person is in pain and misses their relationship (if that is true). I would state up front that I'm not taking sides or passing judgment on the situation, but that I just want them to know that it's time to mend the break in the relationship. Hopefully, that would get one or the other talking.

If not, you will need to tell yourself that it's not your problem to fix. I have two wonderful friends who've been bickering and talking behind each other's backs to me for over a year now. Neither one is interested in continuing their friendship so I have to respect that and accept that the three of us are not going to do things together any more.