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After reading this last post, I am wondering how many people have purchased Internet filters for their computers? I admit that we put it off until we found our son had looked at porn on the Internet. Many people told me to go ahead and get a filter before he stumbled upon it, or was advised of a “really great site” by a friend. I still don’t know what made me wait. It was easy to buy a filter online and easy to install. I think it cost me about $35.

Do you have a filter on your computer? Why or why not?

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Hi friends,

This is my first post.  Obviously I am posting because I am a little freaked out - for lack of a better term.

My son is 11 years old and in 5th grade.  He is ahead of most of his peers regarding puberty but a bit socialy immature. 

Last year we noticed he was looking up porn on the internet.  Porn on the internet is very rough stuff by most standards.  We never could get control of the parental controls and things like that.  We tried a few methods.  He would look up porn even though he knew there was a high likely hood of getting caught.  He has been caught several times.  Obviously, we don't want him doing this.  So in liu of a better alternative we have banned him from the computer.  When he needs it for school we make sure we are in the room with him.  He cannot be trusted with a internet browser.

I have since last year provided him with two books on sexuality and sexual development.  One focuses on sexual development for boys and the other is called "It's Perfectly Normal".  Both books include anatomical drawings showing stages of development and what it all looks like, etc. 

This week I found out that he was using my cell phone internet browser to look up porn.  ON MY CELL PHONE!!!  I don't even surf the web on my cell phone.  I was not expecting that!  His father and I expressed dissatisfaction and talked with him.  His father also talked to him alone about how it is normal to feel arroused and to be interested in these kinds of things but that it is very dangerous to do any of this on the internet.

Latter my husband confided in me that he feels the boy has no outlet.  That he himself grew up wtih the  SEARS catalog wtih the underwear photos and pictures of pro-football cheerleaders and pin-up bikini girls.  He said those "age appropriate books with the sketches" are just not going to cut it.  So my husband and I agreed that the boy having a Victoria Secret Catalog or a Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Issue is not inappropriate.  This might provide him with the outlet he needs. 
 Somepoint this week I will go and get something like this.

My husband assured me that althought it is unsettling for us as parents his interest in looking up porn even though he gets into trouble for it is normal.  Especialy in liu of more tame outlets.  We also agreed that we need to do everything possible to keep him away from the internet porn.  There is just no way to control internet porn and you might look up " Hot and Cheerleader" and get waaaaay more than nudie pictures.  You can get very disturbing photos that a child should not be exposed to.


OK now here is the clincher.  I looked under his bed today after I dropped him at school.  Some of my  underwear and bras in addition to a maxi pad (un-used thank God) and one of my boring housewifey  ladies magazines were stashed there.  WOW I was not prepared for that!  I don't know what to think. 
My thought is to ask him to clean his room and that there might be some things in his room and under his bed that do not belong to him and he needs to return them.  Not mention my ladies things specificaly.  But what does this mean?  should I run to the nearest psychotherapist?  Is this at all in the normal spectrum?

This is a bit of a head-spinner for me. 

Thanks for reading.

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It’s interesting to watch tweens cross back and forth between child and teen. One minute my daughter is rolling her eyes and saying I don’t know what I am talking about, and the next she is sitting on my lap. I just watched her in a variety show act at school, and she was so comfortable up on the stage. But, I can’t get her to ask her teacher for help, though, because she is too embarrassed.

I have loved every age and stage of my kids growing up. I know it’s selective memory, but I forget about the bad behaviors once we are through it. Right now, I am seeing lots of the bad tween stuff, but I would like to hear some of the good things your tweens have done. It’s okay to brag!

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My sister gave me this quote that applies to moms (maybe dads too). “You are only as happy as your saddest child”. I think about that all the time, and I think it is true. Especially now that they are older, and you can’t fix their hurts quite as easily. Half of the time you don’t even know what their hurts are.

Kisses, band aids, cookies and attention were just about all you needed when they were little. Now I feel kind of helpless. If they will talk, I’ll listen. Many times they don’t want to hear my helpful mom suggestions, so I just listen. Usually, thankfully, their sadness doesn’t last, and they move on to the next eventful tween moment. I’m left wondering, as I eat a cookie—did I help? What’s your strategy?

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