I have a situation with my 12-year old son for which I'm searching for answers. It may sound like much ado about noting on the surface, but I'm wondering if there is a deeper issue at hand.

Although he is a wonderful, well-behaved, loving kid, and is a straight-A student, my son has ALWAYS, ALWAYS -- ever since kindergarden -- had a maddening tendency to rush through homework, quizzes and tests without checking his answers. He usually gets high marks, but when he does make a mistake, it is INVARIABLY due to carelessness or not reading directions or completely overlooking some questions/exercises -- NOT due to lack of comprehension. My wife and I have stressed to him over and over and over again the importance of checking and re-checking his work but it never seems to sink in. Somehow he always manages to save his "A" for a class with a flurry of perfect scores near the end of the term, but when the next term begins, he always slips back to rushing through assignments and tests and making really dumb mistakes (and D's and F's)  that he openly admits is a result of  speeding through his work.

We've tried taking away things that he loves (TV shows, Playstation, iPod), losing our temper, grounding him, offering incentives, as well as having long, intense talks about this issue -- all to no avail.

We are wondering if this is his way of making his grades a 'control' issue for him over us. Or if he is getting a bizarre thrill out of trying to see how low his grade can go before he can 'save' it. If anyone out there has any possible ideas on how to address this, I would welcome them -- thanks.

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Yea!!  There is a new movement afoot in the world - anti-anti clutter.  There are those who now espouse that messy rooms, desks etc. are a sign of creative, limber minds.  Of course Einstein knew this - "If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what then, is a messy desk?"  I walk into each my three childrens' rooms and I do not see perfectly made beds and beautifully adorned dresser tops.  But  I do see books strewn everywhere on topics ranging from Princesses to the care and taking of bearded dragons, the signs of curious minds - not excluding live creatures, muddy shoes from exporing in the creek, toys created from various pieces and parts of random items, and my favorite - evidence of time spent with friends in unstructured joy.  I am well aware that not everyone relishes my free spirited attitude toward the "keeping of the room" - most vocally my mother - but that it is being recognized by "experts" is helping me sleep a little better!!  

 

 

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I just watched the Connect With Kids piece on talking to your kids about the shooting tragedy.  I'm just curious how other parents on this site are handling the information with their tweens.  My oldest child is 10 and fortunately his class is away on a remote beach.  So I doubt he even knows.  But he will find out.  We tell our kids it is our job to keep them safe, but we know we are lying.  We can't "keep" them safe.  We can only teach them to make wise decisions and pray about the rest.  

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My child is graduating middle school this year from a small, christian school where he has been nurtured for the past 9 years.  It has been a great place for him, especially during those turbulent middle school years.  He has been somewhat sheltered from the big bad world at this school, but we are now facing the realty of stepping outside our comfort zone into the world of high school.  Now, I truly believe that he is ready and can't wait to begin this new phase of his life.  But, I, on the other hand, am having alot of trouble dealing with this change.  For one thing, I cannot believe that I am old enough to have a child in high school...even though I am.  And, I am now remembering my high school days and all that I was exposed to during those years and that is scaring me to death.  Is anyone else going through this time of change and if so, how are you handling it all.

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Teens look forward to summer vacation for most of the school year. Planning for an exciting and productive break can be as easy as 1,2,3.

How do I help my teen plan for a productive yet engaging summer?

Do you know how some teens look forward to summer? It seems that starting around daylight savings time, they begin living for the time when school is out. We believe the summer months “could be” as educational as the regular school year. Engaging teens during the summer is key to their sanity and yours as a parent. Here are some things parents can do in the weeks leading up to summer break.

1. Do your homework

Teens have spent the past nine months of the school year researching, studying and completing homework assignments. Now it’s your turn. Pull out a calendar, preferably one that shows the entire month at a glance. Begin by filling in the events and activities you have already scheduled. Include everything from vacations to sports competitions. How much time is left to plan for?

2. Brainstorm

Take five minutes to create a list of activities you think your teen would enjoy. Do you notice any patterns in the activities you listed? Does your teen enjoy the outdoors rather than in indoor activities? Has volunteering time in the community been a past interest? Does he seem to prefer individual activities or group settings?

3. Narrow the list

Armed with a better sense of who your teen is and the types of activities he prefers you can more efficiently filter out opportunities that don’t fit his interests. Your goal at this stage of the planning process is to create a list of 10-12 ideas to share with your teen. Start with the newspaper or your city’s summer activity guide, adding activities to your list that might be of interest to your teen. Next consider the wide range of volunteer and internship opportunities. Are their businesses within walking distance from your home that might need occasional assistance? Drop by and talk with a few business owners to inquire about their need for occasional volunteer assistance or a summer internship. Most high schools require a minimum of 60 community service hours to graduate. Recording a few hours every summer will help make this goal attainable. Beyond volunteering consider contacting your local community service organization or church about day trips or weekend expeditions to nearby destinations. Typically, adults who enjoy mentoring teens staff these short treks. Look for a staff to teen ratio of 1:10 or better. Even the most qualified staff can be challenged when the number of teens becomes too great. Consider adding mentoring opportunities to your research agenda. Most cities have a big brother/big sister program connecting teens and younger children in structured mentoring activities. Generally, teens rise to the occasion when asked to provide guidance for younger children.

What’s Next

Continue adding to your list as you find new and potentially engaging opportunities. Put a date on the calendar, preferably in April or May, to talk with your teen about planning for the summer months. The sooner you plan this meeting the more time you both have to seek out activities and plan for a productive and engaging summer.

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<p>by:&nbsp; Joe Bruzzese, M.A.</p>

<p>We appreciate the comments and questions readers have shared about the Start Smart Guide for Middle School. In case you are visiting the blog for the first time take a quick read through the explanation of the <a href="http://thinking-forward.typepad.com/my_weblog/2007/03/start_smart_gui.html">Start Smart project</a>. The feedback we have been receiving, from many of you, hints at the need to include specific questions that might make it easier for people to offer their advice. </p>

<p>If you are a current middle schooler, parent or middle school teacher we want to hear what you think about the following questions. Participating is easy. Select one question or more if you like, and either send us your response(s) in an email to <a href="mailto://share@thinking-forward.com">share@thinking-forward.com</a>, or click the &quot;comments&quot; link below and post your response here on the blog. We are not looking for a single right answer. Instead we would love to have a variety of responses, so encourage friends to participate as well.</p>

<p><strong>Questions about Teachers that we would love to have answers to:</strong></p>

<p>1. What do teachers expect from middle school students?<br />2. How much homework do students have in middle school?<br />3. Are teachers available to help students outside of class time?<br />
4. When is the best time for parents to talk with teachers?<br />5. How is a progress report different from a report card?<br />6. Is it ok to meet a teacher before the first day of school?<br />7. How are middle school teachers different from elementary school teachers?<br /><br />Next week we will post questions about peers and the middle school social scene.</p>

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I don't know about you, but I am very much the slowest one in my family to learn how to use technology such as text messaging from my cell phone.  I didn't even realize that I had that capability until my son accidentally on purpose sent out a comical email to every one in my cell phone address book.  Once the return calls and text messages started pouring in , I realized that someone had sent out a group text message to all of my contacts.  I have heard from people that I haven't talked to in a long time.  I have heard from casual contacts that I had a reason to call once.  I have heard from business associates that I had their cell phones as a contact in case of change in plans.  I have heard from all of my kids coaches and teachers and principals. I have heard from the cleaners, my accountant, neighbors.  Ok, so it could be worse right?  Well it gets worse, my co-worker and I were trying to figure how he sent it and we accidentally RESENT it to everyone again.  So does anyone have an appropriate retaliation/punishment for the cuprit?  I would love to hear your suggestions or similar stories.

Also does anyone know where I can go for a crash course on how to stay ahead of my kids when it comes to new technology?  Thank you.

 

 

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Each fall, middle school brings with it excitement, anxiety and change for parents and kids alike. Families enter this new stage of education with varying levels of knowledge and confidence about their potential for success. We want to build a resource, a toolbox of sorts, that families can use as they embark on their journey next fall.

Here's the idea (it's a big one)!

By this coming August we want to publish a free guide for parents and kids who will begin middle school in the fall. We are looking for questions from parents and kids who are starting middle school; and we're also looking for the wisdom of parents, kids and educators who live in the middle school world now. Together we hope to connect these groups of people and create a resource that will acknowledge the challenges and achievements of current middle school families, and through this acknowledgment of achievement provide the tools that next year's group of parents and kids will need to succeed.

Our role at Thinking Forward is to weave together the contributions from both groups into a meaningful guide and have it ready to go by this coming August. I told you this was a big idea. The work necessary to complete this goal is substantial; however, the potential for creating a collaborative resource has never been better. The more people who contribute the richer the resource; so, spread the word to anyone who will listen or who might benefit from the content. We will keep this post at the top of the list so friends won't need to search for it on the site.

Here's a few of the categories we would like to talk about.

Peers
Teachers
Academics
Family
Communication between parents and tweens
How elementary school is different
Balancing extracurricular activities with school work

We're anticipating questions and wisdom about everything from academics and class schedules to friends and the social scene.

Post your contributions here on the blog, www.thinking-forward.com, or send them in an email to share@thinking-forward.com

Thanks in advance!

Joe Bruzzese, M.A.

 

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Yesterday my preteen daughter expreienced a big disappointment.  Someone canceled plans that she had really been looking forward to.  They re-scheduled  it for the next day, but to her, that might as well have been a thousand years.  My little girl's heart was hurting and she needed a good, long, loud cry.  She held on to me and I held on to her and let her have at it.  Then she felt better.  But her dad, well he just DID NOT see the sense in this.  He does not get the tender hearted achiness that just comes from deep inside.  And he has NO patience for it either.  I'm not a man basher, I just want to know if other moms or dad have a way I can help him understand.  Because God forbid something happens to me, my daughter will have no one to give her that hug that never stops! 

 

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