Yesterday my son got completely anxious about going to school. It was the first day of the third week of 6th grade -- he'd been doing great so far, such smooth sailing I was like, "What's all the fuss about middle school?"  He couldn't really explain his anxiety yesterday -- nothing bad at school, no bullies, no fears about the schoolwork or teachers -- just generalized anxiousness, but it was pretty hyped up. But like any difficult situation, if you can get the right support at the right time, it can turn into a positive learning experience for all of us. I was extremely pleased with the staff at my son's school. The principal took us under his wing immediately, diffusing the situation with the right blend of humor, compassion and honesty -- turns out he, himself, has suffered from anxiety and could relate. Then he called in one of the school's counselors -- a woman with a wonderful, no-stress presence and easy way about her, whom my son had talked to last year in preparation for coming to middle school. They had connected over X-men and a common affinity for the sardonic. She immediately used this humor and her love of kids to put my son at ease ... without one bit of patronizing him. It was something to see. And when she asked him if  he thought he could come upstairs and hang out with her for a few minutes, look at some classic collector's comic book, my son said, "I can try." Well, her face just glowed with pride at his simple statement of courage -- and she told him so, that trying was half the battle and she was so glad and proud that he said that. I was trying not to cry (yeah, I know. Moms. We're so sappy.) I don't know what they said or did but within an hour I got a call from the other counselor, who also knows Jake and had wonderful insight and expert advice, and she said Jake was doing well and was in class and was going to check back with them later in the morning. One more call to tell me that while Jake wasn't completely his full energetic self, he was doing fine and no outward signs of anxiety left.  I let out my breath -- which I think I'd been holding for two hours now -- and offered a prayer of thanks for all of those dedicated educators who love and support our children and our families and help us, as parents, raise our children.

Here's one of the neatest things I heard from one of the counselors: "Make" your children face their fears. It doesn't help them grow if you let them turn or run away from a situation for which they have an unreasonable fear. Each time they face a fear and get to the other side, they get to experience an unexpected outcome.

 

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My daughter is 11 years old. I've noticed that many of her friends already have cell phones. My husband and I have agreed that she does not need a cell phone. We have a family plan with five of us on it, and the charges can be astronomical at times! I have had to literally yell at her that she doesn't NEED a cell phone! We know where she is at all times and can usually easily reach her. If she goes somewhere and I'm at home, I'll give her my cell phone to call the house. Why is it that these kids feel they're entitled to having a cell phone? I've seen some of her friends sitting there constantly texting. I've seen them receiving phone calls that are inappropriate. They give their numbers out to almost anyone. Are we wrong for not allowing our daughter to have a phone?

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I thought it might be nice to hear what you like about your grandparents?  Do they take you places, or do they do things at home?

When you visit do you stay overnight or do you visit for awhile and go home with you?  When you were growing up what do you remember best?

We are hoping to get some ideas from you.  I shop with my older girls, and we have lunch or dinner depending on what time we meet.  They like to eat at Olive Garden.  Mary and Kala are 18 and 19.  I'll attach some pictures next time if you like?

William is 12 and he likes to fish and golf.  We go to parks where there are ponds, and I let him fish while I watch and enjoy the park.  I will not touch worms...

Noah is 4 and he just likes to be spoiled.  Serving food on trays, always having his special snacks.  (Ice cream, cookies, chips, junk food).  Of course, I also make sure he has the good food or my daughter will get mad at me... What is the most spoiled time you remembered about  your grandma or grandpa?

Hope you'll let us know...
See you Grammy from grammology
http://grammology.com

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 .My daughter called me  today, and asked me not to give my grandson  any gift or money until further notice. (Will  is 12  years old)  She further went on to say, she felt our children, had little idea of what it was like to go without and that they had no understanding of how privileged they were.  Of course, the unspoken implication was, I had a lot to do with the giving too much.

My first idea was to remind her she had much of the same lifestyle, gifts, privileges, etc. however, I sensed she had good reason to ask me not to contribute so I said okay, I love you and we moved on.

This conversation made  me  wonder..how do you know if you give too much to your children or grandchildren?  Is there some book someplace that we can read which will tell us how  we should give to our kids.  When I was raising my children there was Dr. Spock.  Today there's Dr. Phil, do you think he reads this blog, and will he answer our call?

  Frankly, I give with some conditions.

I am always in charge.

My children and grandchildren will always treat me with respect.

The children are taught to clean up after themselves, and treat all things with care.

They must behave at home, and follow the rules, or they will not visit me.

When they are here, we spoil the heck out of them, purchase toys, clothes, things, as we can afford them and have a good  time.

Of course, we talk about having to fulfill our commitments and obligations.  I try to support the rules mom and dad have at home.

Maintaining control and who is the boss seems to be the hardest part of my day while I have the younger kids... 4 and 12.

The older kids, know my personality and love to spend time, however, they also know the rules.  Rarely seem to mind now.  (it wasn't always that way)

However,   my mom was the taskmaster and  I think the tradition  was passed on, and my daughter seems to be similar with her style of  rules for the kids.  They haven't always worked however, she stays the course, and usually there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I wonder does anyone else think we give to much or does it depend on the situation  who values what for too much.  Help,  I'd  like to hear your idea of too much.

Regards, Dorothy from grammology
http://grammology.com

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