I have been reading the blogs here at Connect With Kids recently and they all reinterate what I am trying NOT  to do with my kids.  I really enjoyed reading the blog on this website's home page by Stacey Dewitt.  It talks about allowing our children to fail and realizing that they learn from that. 

A few years ago there was a possibility that our family would move away from our home for a couple years.  It was  job transfer so the decision wasn't ours, rather my husband's employer's.  My son was in 5th grade and a member of an academic team from the year before. It was time to register for the team for the next year and the coach needed a commitment for a 6 month time period.  I was honest with her and told her I could not give her that commitment.  If my son had joined the team and then dropped off, he couldn't be replaced.  That would have been unfair to the other kids on the team.  I told her to leave him off the team roster.  I spoke to my son about the issue  and he was a little disappointed but at the same time, excited about the possibility of our relocation. 

When I called the coach to tell her that my son would be withdrawing from the team she was really upset.  She was trying to figure out a way for him to be able to stay on the team, even without our ability to make a  6 month commitment.  She kept calling me to see if we knew anything more about the transfer and right up until the deadline was really uncomfortable replacing my son on the team.  I remember telling her that if that is the biggest disappointment my son would have that year or even in his whole life, he'd be very blessed!! 

I get so sick of parents rolling out the red carpet a few feet before their children's arrival.  It's like they are the advance men in the game of life...going ahead of their children smoothing out anything that might be painful, or just a teensy, tiny bit negative!!  We have to let our children live, fail, learn, love and just get on with it.  Sometimes being a child stinks.  Guess what...sometimes being a teenager stinks and an adult too!  But the only way to figure out how to handle adversity is to go through it and learn from it.  And guess what else...we all are going to screw it up sometime.  I am the first one to admit to my kids that I might have done something wrong...just learn from it and move on. 

PS-We did move away for 2 years and it was the best thing that ever happened to my son....he made great friends and experienced more in those two years than he had in the 11 years prior!

Permalink:
http://community.connectwithkids.com/post/parentingtweens/rolling_out_the_red_carpet.html

Trackback URL:
http://community.connectwithkids.com/post/parentingtweens/rolling_out_the_red_carpet.trackback

Wow, what a difference a weekend makes.  I read a blog in this forum Friday and was thankful that my 11 year old daughter wasn't yet in the emotional highs and lows associated with puberty! 

Then Saturday afternoon arrived.  She was going to a professional sporting event with her best friend and her dad.  I heard a squeal/cry come from her bedroom so I entered to see what was going on.  She was standing there in front of the mirror, wearing what I thought was a very cute outfit.  On the  floor were two piles of cast off clothes which I knew I'd be folding and putting away, assuming I ever got her out the door.  Seconds later my husband arrived on the scene and from behind her back, looked at me with eyes that said, "what the heck is going on here?"  He assured her that she looked great and went on his way.   

All I could do was reassure her that she looked adorable in her outfit and would have a fantastic time with her best friend at the hockey game.  I asked her why she was crying and she just couldn't even articulate what was wrong. 

When her friend arrived I greeted her at the door and told her to praise my daughter's clothing choice,even if she hated it! Apparently a best friend can do what a mom cannot, as they returned minutes later ready to head out the door. 

She and I have thought about the meltdown since and talked about it.  We have realized that there are days when we all do not feel all that great about ourselves.  The difference is that we, as women, have the tools to overcome that self doubt.  These tweens haven't learned those skills yet.  That is our job as parents, to give them the tools they need and the emotional resources so they will know that they are more than their clothes and how they look in them. 

    

Permalink:
http://community.connectwithkids.com/post/parentingtweens/fasten_your_seat_belts.html

Trackback URL:
http://community.connectwithkids.com/post/parentingtweens/fasten_your_seat_belts.trackback

My daughter just started Intermediate School ( a school mainly for tweens 5th, 6th & sometimes 7th grade, usually in rural areas) & it seems like things are changing with her more rapidly than I had expected. First she is constantly worried about her looks. She thinks she's fat & short, even though she is in our local youth sports association. I personally think her weight is average & I give my children choices, such as if your going to eat cake you have to drink water, and if your going to eat a burger you have to have a piece of fruit. Although I must say I can't do anything about her height --I'm 5'1" after all, and she is 4'5" at 10 almost 11. I thought maybe a new hair cut might help bring her self esteem up but she won't cut her hair either, and she's constantly asking me to straighten it for her.There isn't a mirror that she won't pause at. Second, she wants a cell phone, which I think is highly unnecessary & she wants to bring her MP3 everywhere & acts like she can't hear me when she's listening to it.Third she is interested in a boy-- not just I think he's cute, but I want to in school date him or group dates to the mall. She's never even been to the mall without being less than 5 feet away from me. Homecoming is coming up & other girl's are buying their interest mums. To me Mums were for high school. I'm only 28, can time have changed so much in 10 years? Fourth, she suddenly can't do her 8x multiplications even though she is a gifted & talented student. Fifth, she takes forever to do chores and sometimes doesn't do them at all with the excuse I "forgot". She was a straight A student that was kind & loving, she's not even a teenager yet. I don't know if it is because her biological father after years of prison & absence has recently come back in her life or this is just the typical tween.

Permalink:
http://community.connectwithkids.com/post/parentingtweens/wher_has_she_gone.html

Trackback URL:
http://community.connectwithkids.com/post/parentingtweens/wher_has_she_gone.trackback

My daughters middle school is participating in this program called, Circus of the Kids. They are a troupe out of Tallahassee, Florida and they travel around to different schools , and work with the children to put on a " real " circus. Complete with cotton candy,snowcones and popcorn vendors.

I know it sounds corny, but I have to say the confidence these kids have gotten to overcome their fears and try something new  ( that's not necessarily the "COOLEST" thing) is unbelievable to me. My daughter is on the triple trapeze. Flying high above the gym floor with two other girls doing these stunts that just amaze me. Who knew she had it in her???

If your school ever has this opportunity to participate, I highly recommend encouraging your children to do it. I myself am dying to shimmy up the rope and hang from my arm while they spin me around. Maybe in my next life!

Permalink:
http://community.connectwithkids.com/post/parentingtweens/circus_of_the_kids.html

Trackback URL:
http://community.connectwithkids.com/post/parentingtweens/circus_of_the_kids.trackback

We had our high holy days this week, and my son really did not want to attend services. I understand not wanting to go, but of course, we did. He prayed along with the congregation, followed the prayers in his book that he is learning in school, and sang along with the choir. I don't know if he felt more connected to the holiday and its meaning than he thought he would, but I know one of the beautiful things was we had two uninterrupted hours to be near each other in a beautiful setting of prayer, music and connectedness, and that was enough for me. I know he enjoyed it too -- all the other kids were with their families, kids holding hands with their parents, parents with their arms around their children, rubbing their backs gently, whispering, sharing...

What do you do when your children don't want to go to church or synagogue? Do you "make" them go? Do you give them a choice? Is there a certain age that you discuss it?

Permalink:
http://community.connectwithkids.com/post/parentingtweens/children_and_religion.html

Trackback URL:
http://community.connectwithkids.com/post/parentingtweens/children_and_religion.trackback

  Ok, so school hasn't even been in session for two full weeks and I'm already seeing tears at the homework table. My daughter is in 6th grade-second year of middle school, and don't let me get started on the middle school concept!
   My daughter gets home every day at about 3:15PM. She gets a snack and sits down to do her homework. I've had debates with other people about the doing the homework right away thing, but I've found that this works best, because if she is allowed to relax first, or do her after school activities first, then homework doesn't get done, or she's still doing it way past her bedtime of 9:30PM. For the past two nights she has still been at her homework 2 1/2 hours later! Math is her poorest skill. I don't help her here because I have very poor math skills myself, so my oldest son helps her, and he's quite patient with her. She just doesn't "get" it. Every time I've tried to help, there are many tears!! I get so frustrated with her.
    Anyway, what I'm asking: just how long should it take for a middle schooler to do homework?
Thanks in advance

Permalink:
http://community.connectwithkids.com/post/parentingtweens/how_much_homework_is_too_much.html

Trackback URL:
http://community.connectwithkids.com/post/parentingtweens/how_much_homework_is_too_much.trackback