I vividly remember 4 months ago the panic-attack I was having because my oldest son was starting middle school.  I was asking for everyones advice about middle school.  This community was wonderful in supporting me, giving losts of advice and comfort.  Today I am happy to report that my son is doing great. I should have known all along that he was ready and could handle it.  He is happy, well-adjusted and making all A's and B's.  Why did I get so worked up about it?   In hindsight, it was me that wasn't ready.   Letting go is so hard.  I know it is our job to give our children the tools they need to be successful adults.   Is it hard for you to watch your child grow up?  What experiences have you had?

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For the past 11+ years, I've been raising my daughter with what I felt was a  natural amount of self doubt.  I was a tad overprotective, her being an only child and all....but I always had valid, logical reasons behind my parenting decisions.  When I said no, I could always give her a good reason why.  I've always considered myself to be a conservative parent. 

Then one morning I woke up in Tweenville. Gia entered middle school in August and will be 12 in Feb.  Suddenly I feel very out of my element and my self doubt has kicked into full swing.  I've been pouring over message boards like these where parents are telling their children no no no.......no cell phones. No boys at your birthday parties. No "boyfriends" no matter how benign the relationship may be. No coed social gatherings until you're 30....(ok, 20).

My daughter made high honors in school with straight As and A+s, with glowing teacher comments on her manners and behavior. She is a good girl, and has never  yet (i said YET) given me a reason not to trust her.  I check up on her constantly and never once has she not been where she said she'd be doing what she said she'd be doing with whom she said she'd be doing it.    She does her chores around the house with little complaint. 

So far, I find myself having little reason to say no to her very often.  But some of the things I allow her to do at her age seem to be taboo with many tween parents.  Boyfriends, for example.    Jake is a sweet boy.  He plays football for the youth league Gia cheers for, and I've gotten to know both him and his parents quite well.  The kids also got to know each other and after much begging and pleading, Gia has agreed to be Jake's 'girlfriend'.  When I tell people this, I get disapproving looks and warnings from friends....she's too young for a boyfriend, you should not allow it!   I've fretted and worried for the past several weeks over this until I finally came to the conclusion that it's silly.  Jake comes to the house a couple times a week. He sits at my table and eats with my family.  I watch them together. They're still acting like children...not horny teens.   For now, this "relationship" is about as innocent as the day Gia came home from kindergarten and announced that Nick was her boyfriend because "he told me I looked pretty and helped me hang up my coat today".   What would be my reason for telling her she can't have Jake for a boyfriend, and what would that accomplish, other than for her to stop telling me these things?  As long as I make sure she keeps it in it's proper place in her life and I dont see any sort of negative behaviors because of it...why would I say no except just for the sake of exercising my parental power?

Another issue...a cell phone.  My daughter doesn't do a whole lot without me, but she does go to after school activities. And her and some friends like to go down the street to the creek to play. When she leaves the house, she borrows my cell phone.  She calls when she's going from one friends house to another. Or when she's on her way home.  To me, her having her own cell phone is a huge win....a way to keep her connected to me.  Yet it seems to be a power issue between parents and tweens and I can't understand why?  So they also use it to talk to their friends? So what?

I guess my question is this....did I become some swinging liberal parent when no one was looking? I dont FEEL like one.  Yet saying yes when I'm hearing so many other parents saying no makes me feel like I missed something important in the parenting handbook.  Am I just not at "that place" yet with her?  Can that be it? 

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While sitting at work today I received a call on my cell phone.  I saw  on the called ID that it was the main office of my daughter's middle school and was afraid to answer the phone for fear that something was wrong there.  I wondered if she wasn't feeling well  or was in some sort of trouble. However, I wasn't prepared for the tears which flowed from the other end of the line. 

I hated hearing her cry and was barely able to make out the words that her new friend at her new school has leukemia.  She was really crying hard at this point and I was doing well not to break down myself.  I asked her if it was confirmed by her teacher or if it was a rumor and it was indeed true. 

Oh my God...how could this family receive this horrid news at any time, let alone a time when we are supposed to be thankful.   But there are things to be thankful for.  I know that we should be thankful that childhood leukemia is extremely curable (coincidentally my pediatric pharmacist friend called me minutes later and told me) and that we are in a large city where we have an amazing children's hospital.  I am thankful that my daughter wanted to call me and share her sadness with me, that she was willing to go speak to her counselor at school and that she wants to go see her friend in the hospital. 

Part of me wanted to drive to that middle school, pluck my daughter out of it, take her home, and hug her tight.   But part of growing up is learning to develop the tools to deal with sadness and grief.  I hope today she'll rely on her friends and counselors and I'll have a chance to give her a huge hug when she gets off the bus this afternoon. 

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Hello fellow parents:

I am the 27yo single mother of a sixth grade girl soon to be 11 in 2 more weeks. I am very disturbed and I have no idea what course to take. I'm in a crisis.  . . . .here's my story:

I went to view my cable bill because it seemed extraordinarily overpriced, and was shocked to see $102.00 worth of the Playboy channel on-demand orders(TEN ORDERS @ 9.95 each!). After debating with a Cablevision reperesentative, the orders were indeed valid and since I KNOW I didnt order them, it had to be my daughter due to the dates and times of the orders. I was speechless and appalled. I realized that she had been sneaking out bed into the living room and watching this crap while I was sleeping(I got to bed around 730 or 8 some days)---------------------------Now here is a forethought to this situation ..one week ago when I turned on the television, it was on the Playboy channel and after much prodding my daughter admitted to being the culprit BUT she stated that it was already on the TV and she flipped through the channels and just happened to see it and briefly watched it out of curiousity. I had an extensive puberty/sex/growing-up/boys/my body talk with her and thought it was a done deal. In my cable naivety(I am NOt a TV person and we never had cable before until 3 weeks ago), I thought that as a new customer that the company had given the channel for free and that all I had to do was put the parental safety features on and be done with it. Not knowing that she had not only ordered it that time, but NINE other times. I was so upset and disturbed all I didnt know what to do. I had another extensive talk with her, questioned her about why she was watching it repeatedly, and then punished her for the lying and the unauthorized ordering.

MY question really is : What the %$#@@!! is going on here? Was that talk enough? Is Punishment sufficient? Is there another underlying problem here? My daughter is well-behaved, pleasant personality, never had any behavior problems-generally a good girl with occasional mouthing off infractions but otherwise excellent. She is an early bloomer, and began puberty at age 8 1/2 and started her menses at 9. She has all the physical traits of an average 14yo, she is basically fully developed but she is a BABY ..she's only ten. She has all the comforts of an only child and enjoys an active relationship with her dad. She just started junior high school and started becoming mildly more interested in her appearance and extracurricular activities but PORN? whats going on here? is this normal or am I overreacting? I'm not a prude and I am a very young liberal mom but I didnt see this coming and dont know how to deal with this.

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My son and daughter got into an interesting and fairly heated discussion at dinner last night.  He is older, and he had helped her with her homework for the past two nights.  Last night it only took about 5 minutes, but the night before he had stuck with her for at least 20 minutes.  He said he wasn't going to help her anymore, because when she finished, she didn't show any gratitude or consideration for his helping her.  Which she probably didn't.  I'm constantly working on her sense of entitlement.  But I think he had a very valid point, and he stated it clearly, and fairly calmly.  It was interesting to listen to and watch them talk.  In the end, she did the "Whatever" move, and that ended it.  I tried to interject some thoughts at times, but my son gently kept me out of it-- and he was right--- it was their deal.  I'm having to revise my parenting on a daily basis these days!

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