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13 yr old cutter
Posted by:
Lendy Patterson on
September 25, 2008 at
12:21PM EST
I recently intercepted notes with my13 yr old granddaughter and it was a discussion of her cutting herself-- not because of being depressed but just wants to. I know this site says for parents but I have helped raise her and don't know where to turn. I have the notes. Talking to her mother would be of no use and probably not School and other grandparents. Where do I turn and has anyone been through this? Thank you for any help. I don't know where to turn.
(3) Comments
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I recently had the same thing happen. Oddly enough it was my sons letters I found, HE WAS CUTTING! Now his entire family on his biological Mothers side are cutters so I have watched for all the signs. When asked why he did it he said that he wanted to know how it feels because all of his female friends did it. I was blown away, it almost seems like a cult to me. They all feed off of each others pain & despair. He started a year ago, in 6th grade, it left me asking myself if I was a bad Mom. I then found out that he was "Scratching" not really cutting. He only drew blood once and as he said "it was an accident he scraped over a scab he didnt know was there." So really he isnt a "cutter" he is a drama king. He made others think he was "scratching" to get the "please dont, we love you". I have talked to him and kept in close contact with his counselor for the things that I dont really know how to deal with. It scares me that they start so young, he was in 6th grade (11) when he started.
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Posted by: sj on September 30, 2008 9:26AM EST
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Injuring yourself on purpose by making scratches or cuts on your body with a sharp object — enough to break the skin and make it bleed — is called cutting.
Cutting is a type of self-injury, or SI. Most people who cut are girls, but guys self-injure, too. People who cut usually start cutting in their young teens.
Some continue to cut into adulthood. People may cut themselves on their wrists, arms, legs, or bellies.
Some people self-injure by burning their skin with the end of a cigarette or lighted match. When cuts or burns heal, they often leave scars or marks.
People who injure themselves usually hide the cuts and marks and sometimes no one else knows.
It can be hard to understand why people cut themselves on purpose. Cutting is a way some people try to cope with the pain of strong emotions, intense pressure, or upsetting relationship problems.
They may be dealing with feelings that seem too difficult to bear, or bad situations they think can't change. Some people cut because they feel desperate for relief from bad feelings. People who cut may not know better ways to get relief from emotional pain or pressure. Some people cut to express strong feelings of rage, sorrow, rejection, desperation, longing, or emptiness. But people who cut may not have developed ways to cope. Or their coping skills may be overpowered by emotions that are too intense. When emotions don't get expressed in a healthy way, tension can build up — sometimes to a point where it seems almost unbearable.
Cutting may be an attempt to relieve that extreme tension. For some, it seems like a way of feeling in control. The urge to cut might be triggered by strong feelings the person can't express — such as anger, hurt, shame, frustration, or alienation. People who cut sometimes say they feel they don't fit in or that no one understands them. A person might cut because of losing someone close or to escape a sense of emptiness. Cutting might seem like the only way to find relief or express personal pain over relationships or rejection. People who cut or self-injure sometimes have other mental health problems that contribute to their emotional tension.
Cutting is sometimes (but not always) associated with depression, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, obsessive thinking, or compulsive behaviors. It can also be a sign of mental health problems that cause people to have trouble controlling their impulses or to take unnecessary risks. Some people who cut themselves have problems with drug or alcohol abuse. Some people who cut have had a traumatic experience, such as living through abuse, violence, or a disaster. Self-injury may feel like a way of "waking up" from a sense of numbness after a traumatic experience. Or it may be a way of reinflicting the pain they went through, expressing anger over it, or trying to get control of it.
Although cutting may provide some temporary relief from a terrible feeling, even people who cut agree that it isn't a good way to get that relief. For one thing, the relief doesn't last. The troubles that triggered the cutting remain — they're just masked over. People don't usually intend to hurt themselves permanently when they cut. And they don't usually mean to keep cutting once they start.
But both can happen. It's possible to misjudge the depth of a cut, making it so deep that it requires stitches (or, in extreme cases, hospitalization).
Cuts can become infected if a person uses nonsterile or dirty cutting instruments — razors, scissors, pins, or even the sharp edge of the tab on a can of soda. Most people who cut aren't attempting suicide. Cutting is usually a person's attempt at feeling better, not ending it all.
Although some people who cut do attempt suicide, it's usually because of the emotional problems and pain that lie behind their desire to self-harm, not the cutting itself. Cutting can be habit forming. It can become a compulsive behavior. Cutting often begins on an impulse. It's not something the person thinks about ahead of time. You can't force someone who self-injures to stop. Most people with deep emotional pain or distress need to work with a counselor or mental health professional to sort through strong feelings, heal past hurts, and to learn better ways to cope with life's stresses. Although cutting can be a difficult pattern to break, it is possible.
Getting professional help to overcome the problem doesn't mean that a person is weak or crazy.
Therapists and counselors are trained to help people discover inner strengths that help them heal.
These inner strengths can then be used to cope with life's other problems in a healthy way.
Dore Frances, M.A.
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