Perhaps not quite as newsworthy as the final episode of Friends, Seinfeld or even the last I Love Lucy, the teens of The O.C. have made it through high school (at least most of them), almost into college, and the airing of their final episode. Though once widely popular among teens, the O.C. audience has waned (or perhaps grown up) and, after a West coast earthquake, the series finale wrapped  up their troubled lives.

If you promise not to tell anyone, I will confess that I have been following the trials (in and out of court), tribulations and angst of Seth, Summer, Ryan and Marissa (may she rest in peace) - and their racy parents. With my teenage daughter sitting on the couch next to me, I did experience some uncomfortable moments. Drugs, sex, drinking, more sex - and drop-dead outfits. Could my innocent teen possibly think this is for real? And who else is watching this… and how old are they??

I think parents out there really need to take a look at what our kids are seeing on TV. Even if it's a little uncomfortable, shows like The O.C. present opportunities to discuss lots of real-life issues, even if the show's premise depicts a not-so-real high school existence (I hope). Maybe we need to help them understand the difference between television drama and real life, and take the opportunity to discuss the possibilities and real consequences. (Sex without protection? Dropping out of school? Binge drinking on the beach? Lying to your parents?)

And although, as my kids get older, I find myself more and more reluctant to simply say no, for the younger set, when if comes to these so-called teenage dramas, maybe we should just turn off the TV.

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There's a war in Iraq, major domestic and foreign policy issues before state and federal governments, and even the 2008 presidential race appears to be underway. But what news stories are my teens focused on this past week? Anna Nicole Smith and the Grammys.

I know those issues might be easier to understand, but I can't figure out the media's preoccupation with issues that I simply don't find that important.

I won't expound about Anna Nicole Smith and my feelings about drug use, paternity suits, leaving a tiny baby in the Bahamas while jetting off to Miami, or any other lifestyle issues. As far as the Grammys go, I enjoy music as much as the average got-to-have-my-iPod-while-I-work-out person, but I won't begin to expound upon our preoccupation with the pursuit of stardom (anyone hooked on American Idol yet?), award shows, and red carpet attire.

As I try to discuss some topics of more national, international and local importance at our dinner table - even how the chemistry test went, and when the U.S. history project is due - I also found some thought-provoking questions on the Common Sense Media website (www.commonsensemedia.org). Like we do we care about award shows in the first place? If you were to create your own award show, what would it be? Did you know that many companies give presenters gift baskets worth thousands of dollars in free gifts and products? Why is that?

The teenage perspective has to be an interesting one… and I'm sure I will learn a thing or two about the music industry and maybe even Anna Nicole Smith.

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It was with much sadness that I watched tonites program, re: teens and the internet. The undertone through out the program , was teens keep secrets for many different reasons. I felt compelled to respond, as these days, that is what I dwell on the most. You see my daughter, was keeping a large secret regarding a boyfriend ( I use the term loosely) whom I later learned was abusing her verbaly and physically.  I found out she was ashamed of the behavior and did not want to upset me.  In part of keeping the secret it cost her, her life on a Friday evening.  I have learned after hiring a private investigator, this behavior had been ongoing for quite sometime. Their relationship was brief, but had been going on since day one. She had on many occaisions attempted to break it off with him, up until the day she died.   The week week she passed, the relationship had become tumultous and she had spent the nights home with me . He had been calling incessantly, and I could not understand his behavior. She kept telling me she had changed her mind about him , and was wanting to put space between them, which I respected.  Unfortunately,  I was blind. That friday, he called her and cooerced her to go to a friends birthday party with him for a couple of hours, when she called me to tell me she was going I got a sick feeling in my stomach. But she assured me she would be home when I arrived. I acquiesed. She never arrived home. I found out he took her to a party where the parents served alchol, he imbibed.  My daughter stated, she needed to be at work early, and wanted to leave. He was upset, about leaving. The parents stopped him and asked him if he was "okay  " to drive. They relented and let him drive ( he was a minor,under the influence ) . A fight ensued in the car, he lost control on the freeway, crashed into a guard rail. My daughter was killed instantly, he walked away. I later learned her last phone call was to a friend, whom heard him verbally abusing her and attempting to strike her, she  all the while her pleading for him to pull over, and she would call her mom to come and get her . He would not give in. YOu know the end of the story. If I had known about his behavior towards my daughter from the get go. I most definitley would have interceded. Kids are the master 's of disguise. She was responsible, mature,  and wonderfully considerate of my feelings. I wish , I had prodded more into her personal life regarding her dating pattern. Always go with your intuition. This boy was the master of manipulation , and had everyone fooled , even my daughters grand parents. And yet all the kids knew what truly was going on . Ask  your childs friends, other parents, do your investigative work . I always told my daughter , never interfere with my right to parent. Exert this right  ! Be nosey.  This is a lesson , I will live with the rest of my life. She was my only child, a miracle child.And I will miss her so.....my Danille Nicole,  19

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Lately, I’ve been thinking and dreaming a lot about when the girls were little. The other day when my boyfriend asked me where I kept the Tupperware, I pointed to a lower cupboard and memories of when the girls were toddlers emptying the kitchen cupboards all over the floor came flooding back. I just sat there giggling as I pictured them with pots and pans on their heads and using lids as little shields. My sleeping dreams have been memories of my three year old bribing my two year old to go “pee pee” in the potty so they’d both get “squiggly worms” (gummy worms). Along with these fond memories has been an overwhelming feeling of sadness. The kind that feels like a cry is stuck inside. It hasn’t been only a day or two; it’s been weeks! I couldn’t figure out why until a girlfriend was feeling the same way. The reason … our kids are going to college.

Nobody ever tells you about that kind of preparing for college! There is so much involved and I had no idea what to expect. So for the other parents who don’t have a clue either, let me tell you the process we’ve been going through.

I have been fortunate as my daughter is very bright and fairly independent. She’s been doing most of the work. Junior year is not too early to be thinking about college, but good luck convincing your child! The process takes a lot longer than you think. But to start, let me say one word: www.collegeboard.com. They have everything you need to know, including, I’m told, a student rating of schools. Kids rate the Top 5 schools for: best food, party schools, stoner schools, red tape, long lines, sports, arts, studying time … anything a kid wants to know!

The site may seem a little overwhelming at first, but for me, it wasn’t. My daughter did it all. They are so in the know, about this stuff. All their friends are in the same boat and that’s all they talk about and they all share information. The school counselors are also an excellent help. The summer between Jr. and Sr. year, I just told her what I thought has always been her natural area of interest. She took it from there. She started with www.collegeboard.com, answered a million questions about what kind of school she’d like, including: location, size city, majors, prices, acceptance rates, scholarships, etc. If I were involved on choosing the school, it would have been based on least expensive. As a single parent, I only managed to save enough to keep them in beer! It became apparent that her SAT score was going to be important. When she took her Jr. year SAT test, she did well, but not great. I know she studied maybe two days. We decided for her October SAT test, that the investment in a tutor would be worth scholarship possibilities. With her schedule that was our best option. It was more expensive than I planned, but even taking the test with a 101-degree fever, it paid off.

By this time she had chosen 4 potential schools, (we added one later) and the scores would be sent to them. (First 3 free, about $9 each additional school.) To find out what the application process was for each school, she had to go to the individual school websites. It is fairly clear what needs to be done. This is where she got completely overwhelmed and near nervous breakdown. I (mom) stepped in and helped her get organized. We just made individual files for each school, put them in a box near her desk, then did a breakdown of what needs to done and when, making sure to hit all deadlines. Each school file had a list enclosed to cross things off as they were done. I showed her how it could all be done taking one thing at a time and making a master “to do” schedule. All the schools require basically the same things, so if you do it for one, it is more or less done for the others. Some schools have additional requirements. Please note, I am not an expert, this is just what I remember. Check things out yourself.

Decide if you are going for early decision or early action. One is binding the other is not. Arrange for transcripts from the high school. You need three stamped, addressed envelopes, plus $2.00 a transcript.

Some schools have “rolling admission” meaning you can turn in your application any time and get an answer within the month; usually state schools. Other schools have very structured dates of application and dates of acceptance.

Be prepared to be fifty dollared to death! Tests and applications always cost. The cost for enrollment applications is anywhere between $40 and $80. The best way to apply is online, which is usually a late night, “Mom I need $50 NOW” (because the cut-off date is midnight of the date she is doing the application and it is 11:23pm). Now just remember, you have been stressed out (but don’t know why) and she has been stressed out, so getting angry or making any comment at all about leaving it so late will, and I emphasize will, lead to an eruption, and it will get late-night ugly. Advice … don’t go there.

After the 5^th enrollment application, you get to do it all again with the late night grant applications! But that’s later.

The next steps are getting recommendations from employers, teachers or other people of influence that know your child. The envelopes will have to be sealed with their name written across the fold. She will have to write essays on a variety of topics … why you chose your field, name someone or something that had a significant influence on your life, etc. Deep, well-thought-of, profound essays … in one page. This was done just before Thanksgiving, during finals. Now that was fun!

The place we are at now is the grant application process. Believe me, there is nothing fun about filling out pages and pages of financial information with your daughter, especially when you can’t answer all the questions because you haven’t filed taxes yet. “Don’t leave it blank, make it up!” When she realizes how little money you make and that she will be responsible for the cost of school, panic and anger set in. She didn’t quite understand that when applying for a grant, it is actually a good thing we don’t have money. In her eyes, everybody but us has an extra $40,000 a year sitting in the bank for their child’s education. I should have moved to a poorer neighborhood.

Things are calming down as she has heard from and been accepted at 3 schools, but did not get in the program she wants at one of them. She has received one partial scholarship and must do a portfolio for the other two schools. We are still looking into other scholarships and see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I think the way to equate the college application process to someone who hasn’t gone through it is to liken it to planning a wedding. It shouldn’t be a huge, stressful deal … but it is. You know everything’s going to work out, but to the one who is the center of attention it is a scary, exciting adventure … and we get to share it.

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Everybody always tells you how hard the teenage years are. I didn’t believe them. I had two perfect daughters with whom I was very close. We had long discussions about anything and everything and I felt they actually enjoyed my company. I felt bad for the other parents who were having such a hard time. I was sooo lucky. However, when my eldest turned 16, it started, slowly, then quite suddenly “The Switch”. The mouth … that horrible, disrespectful, mean mouth. It never stopped. I really believe the venom that spewed was pure hatred of me, her mom, the person that loved her more than life! I am not talking about those delinquents that are other people’s children, I am talking about my National Honor Society, driven athlete, loved by everyone, baby girl. The screaming matches just escalated until she moved out her senior year. Then quiet. Too much quiet. She is now a freshman in college and has barely said a word to me since she left. I helped move her into her dorm, but have not been back. Christmas was spent making a point to the rest of the family that she hated me. I ignore it and leave the occasional voice mails with an invitation. I’d rather the silent treatment than the arguments of the past. But will we ever be close again? Many say yes, but I have not been so sure. Until last night.

I got a phone call from a long lost friend. For 15 years we have always been close despite living in different cities. Then she disappeared for a year and a half. Nothing preceded the hibernation except some hard times. Suddenly, out of the blue, she’s back. She said she didn’t even know she was depressed until she started coming out of it. She just had to work through it. My phone calls or emails once every two or three months, let her know I was waiting.

I know my daughter is doing well at school, but maybe with the occasional phone call and no pressure, one day she’ll be back. Maybe she just has to work through it.

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