I am totally distraught over my 17 year old daughter's decision to have a relationship with a man 20 years older than her.  She has always been a wonderful, caring, sweet person.  I also have a younger daughter who is 15 and equally as nice and sweet and terrific.  Both of my daughters have been no trouble at all all their lives. 

Last year, my oldest met a man 20 years older than her.  He lives with a woman he got pregnant when she was 16 and also their 2 children.  He has got my daughter brain washed.  She is sneaking out to be with him, on the phone constantly with him, lying to me, just recently threw away almost everything in her bedroom that I've ever given her.  She turns 18 in approx. 6 months and I am terrified that she will run away and live with him.  She's in 11th grade in high school and has let her grades fall way beyond what she's capable of.

I've done everything I can to convince her she's making a mistake.  She knows (I hope) how much I love and adore her and this has totally devastated me and the rest of our family. 

She doesn't even say 2 words to me.  She has 2 part-time jobs after school and stays in her room when she's home. 

Any advice?  I am totally broken-hearted and want my beautiful daughter back.

Thank you for whatever advice you can give.

I, like many parents, am guilty of over giving to my children. Don't we all want to give them the best? To want them to have more than we did as kids! Well, there comes a point when we, as parents need to be oh so careful.

My daughter, 14, has many friends whose parents are not very smart financially. These parents are living paycheck to paycheck, barely getting by... and yet they take their daughters (her friends), to shop at the mall where these "name-brand" stores are so commonly located. Now, my daughters wardrobe can stand up to many of her friends... however, her wardrobe has been purchased mostly at discount and thrift stores. I am very frugal (financially smart) and I figure, why should I pay more?

Recently, I was wearing a really cute shirt (that I had purchased at the end of last summer, NEW, off of a clearance rack for $2.00!!) and when she saw the shirt she thougt I had obviously purchased it at the mall and paid retail. She screamed "you always buy nice stuff for yourself and never for me!" (Funny, I had just let her pick out the color of brand new Crocs Capri sandals she wanted just the day before. I was going to buy a pair for myself and for her at $40.00 a pair! You know, nothing nice for her. ha). Well, I was shocked at what a "spoiled brat" she had just acted like. I stewed with tremendous anger (inside) over this for 2 hours! Finally, I sat her down and AGAIN I explained HOW and WHY I shop the way I do... I also let her know AGAIN "HOW" she could earn her own money so she could buy clothes from wherever she wanted. Then, I told her that since I never buy her anything nice, I didn't want to let her expectations of me down! In fact, for THE REST OF THE SUMMER BREAK, I was indeed NOT going to buy her ANY clothes, shoes or anything else that was not a neccessity! I said that 2 weeks before school started, I would assess her attitute and determine if I thought she had learned the importance of being GRATEFUL for what her Dad and I provide for her. If she learns, I will take her school shopping and if not, she will go without new school clothes! Believe me, I am a parent who CAN keep my word. It will (hopefully) be a valuable lesson for her to learn at a young age which will be important in her adult years.

If we as parents do not do something about todays teens thinking it is their RIGHT to have whatever they want, we are only hurting them. As adults, things are not given to us for free. We have to work for them. Remember, our kids will be adults longer than kids, let's do what we can to properly prepare them.

Any comments, thoughts, advice, is happily welcomed.

Krisi

Hi All,

I am new to this forum, and I am not really sure if this is the right place to post all of this, but I have tried everything from trying to get help from my son's school, to outside councillors, to depression medication (no longer taken), and more, but it seems that nothing we try seems to help my son's situation.

Let me first say that in the first 10 years of my son's life I was married to a guy who treated all of us badly.  My daughter from another relationship suffered the most, as she was the one who suffered physical, as well as mental abuse from this guy, but my son is the one who is now trying to cope with all of these feelings that he doesn't understand.

I devorsed this guy 6 years ago, but my son has all of this anger built up inside of him, and I have tried everything I can think of to try and guide him in ways to deal with it.  He doesn't deal well with any kind of criticism from anyone, and he has suffered from bullies since he was 11.  He has always found it hard to make friends because he always feels that anyone he does get close to ends up criticising him, and that makes him angry, so he ends up lashing out in unhealthy ways because he can't express himself in any other way.

He now has a group of friends and they all class themselves as being part of this "Emo" culture, and yes, he has been cutting himself, although that seems to have abated right now.  All he does is play computer games, and sometimes goes to his friends house.

The school he is attending right now seems not to care (It's a magnet school), as I have tried multiple times to get some help from them, but all they told me was that he needed to be on depression medication.  Well my doctor told me that he wouldn't advise that route because of the suicidal rate of teens on depression meds, so we now have him in councilling, but he doesn't seem to be making much progress.  Because he is 16 the councillor will not disclose what is discussed in these visits, so I don't get to know what he talks about.

My son wants help, and he wants to do well in school.  I know this as he has told me this, but he just doesn't seem to be able to do anything because he is suffering so much right now.  He is crying out for help and I am at the end of my rope in trying to figure out how to help him.

I am just so scared for him right now, but I just don't know what to do!  Any advice and help would be most gratefully appreciated

Thanks in advance Em.

    Hi everyone,

             I am new to this forum and have read other's comments and would like some advice about my 17 year old daughter.  She will be turning 18 in July of 07 and has been displaying some defiant behaviors.

          She is a senior in high school and over the last two years has been letting her grades slip.  I have been to numerous conferences, etc.  She is also seeing a social worker in order to deal with some major losses in her life.  She lost her grandmother, her confidante, to breast CA 2 years ago.  Also, her father and I divorced as well. 

      Needless to say, it appears she may have been struggling with depression and her graduation is being threatened because of it.  Also, she has been spending waaaaaaaay too much time with her boyfriend, who is a good kid, but she'll stay out late on school nights and I have to practically beg her to come home.

       She's not doing drugs, but she has been sexually active with her boyfriend.  (She's on the birth control pill.)   Needless to say, I am very concerned about some of the behaviors that she has been displaying. 

      She has this.." I can handle it " attitude and tells me to "stop trying to control" her.   Why can't she see that all I want is the best for her? 

      There are days when she is the awesome kid I have always known and loved and then there will be a spell where there is a surly, indifferent young lady.

              Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  I feel sometimes, that I am not getting through to her..and just want her to be safe and happy.  She also has spent some nights at her boyfriend's house, with his parents home, that I'm not too thrilled about..but she always uses the " I will be 18 line, etc..."  Please help.   

    Thanks in advance. 

My son suprised me the other day when I saw that he had some political websites on his "favorites"list on his computer. He was looking through the headlines to familiarize himself with the current items on the Fox News web page. When I asked him if he was doing homework he said no, he needed to be able to talk intelligently at the Political awareness meeting at school the next day.

I didn't even know they had this meeting or that my son was attending. I actually was pretty proud of him for taking an interest in something like that , especially because it's during activity period when kids usually just hang-out. Maybe the kid who usually does  "just enough to get bye ", is finally getting it . I didn't want to get to excited as I turned and walked out of his room with a BIG smile on my face.