I have a 14-year-old son, and I am nearing the end of my rope with him.  He has gotten so he doesn't listen to a word I say, and acts like the world revolves around him.  I have been asking him to do a chore for two solid weeks, and he keeps saying he'll "get to it."  He thinks it is his God-given right to take off with his friends whenever he wants, and not come home until he feels like it.  His friends treat me nicer than he does.

Yet he thinks I need to buy him whatever clothes he wants, and pay for his cell phone and text messaging, etc.  My job that I have held for several years is ending in about a month, so I am trying to pull in the reigns on spending as much as possible.  But good luck trying to get his cooperation.  It is a constant "I need this," "I need that."  

I have been looking for a new job in this area without luck, and told him that I will be applying to other areas, which may mean we will move.  He tells me last night he's not moving, and if I want to move, he'll move in with his aunt and stay here.  I told him he will be going wherever I go, no discussion.  He was so snotty and rude.  I am just floored with him.  I can't imagine how I managed to raise such a self-absorbed, thoughtless, know-it-all, rude person.  I can't imagine I ever treated my mom this way.  I could be a brat at times, but I still listened to her, and never expected all of the things he expects at the snap of his fingers.

I pray I am not too late in laying down the law, and I certainly don't want to drive him even further away.  We have always had a good relationship, but it seems like this past year an alien dropped down out of the sky and took over my formerly good-natured son's body.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you!

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I am the stepmother of a 16yr (almost 17) old stepdaughter that lives with her Mom most of the year.  She visits her Dad and I during the summer and winter holidays.  I have no children of my own and just not sure how normal her 'hygiene' issue is.  I have been searching the internet and not finding much help. 

The issue is she does not bathe, or brush her teeth, on a regular basis.   Her hair gets to the point of greasy because she often lies about bathing when staying at a friends house.  She is actively dating and has a regular boyfriend, but not sexually active yet (that I know of).

Her father has noticed this as well. 
??

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My two granddaughters are 18 and 19.  One is going to summer school to finish high school the other is starting her second year of college.

Both are very stressed at what their future holds.  They think earning a living is going to be tough.  Their main concern, how to earn enough money to have a car, apartment, and all the expenses which go along with it. I'm in silent agreement as I recognize the cost of housing, cars, and insurance have gone through the roof

How do we prepare our young adults for the expenses which seem out of control?  My day job is commercial real estate.  Our company owns several thousand rental units so I'm aware of all aspects of the market.  For young people to have an apartment today,  They will probably have to share with a roommate. 

I'd be stressed at the prospect of how to get started.  Do we begin with a budget?  Is it the obligation of the parent to furnish the first apartment?  How much do they need to earn in order to live on their own?  What do you think the right age is before they leave the house to live on their own?

 A  parents job is to help their children become independent.  If this is the case, how do we not worry?  My granddaughters secretly have me worried sick.  I know what's out there.  I don't want to panic them however, I agree there is a lot of stress, when they think about creating a plan for their futures.

Each time, we've discussed this subject, I sense  fear and concern.  I wonder if I was this way when I was young.  Being 61, sorry guys it's hard to remember.  I think I was too nave, and I  just thought it had to work.  I was married at 18 and I admittedly assumed my husband would take care of me.....  Three husbands later, I realize I would be the one to take care of myself.  (that's another subject, another time)

Speak to your children about their future.  What they want to do for a living, and what they will need to earn to cover expenses when they are on their own.  Discuss budgets, cost, models for what expenses they can expect.

 Growing up knowing what is coming will help eliminate the unknown.  My granddaughters and their mom and dad, have been great regarding family discussions. Discussions regarding what the cost could be and hearing experince from  their older brothers has helped.

There seems to be great concern today, with kids as to whether or not they can make it on their own.  Ask them, you might be surprised hearing their answers. Kids today need to know what to prepare for.  Many parents have been over achievers, and kids are concerned they won't be able to meet the same expectations. 

I hope this will give you the idea to sit down and ask a few inquiring questions on the subject.  Good luck and let me know what you think.

Dorothy from grammology.

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We are rounding the corner toward the new school year at an alarming rate!  My delusions at the end of the last school year of watching my son grow and mature over the summer have not come to fruition.  I had hoped that now that he is entering high school he would miraculously begin to understand how important studying and his grades are.  However, based on the little talks we've been having, he seems to think he can skate by like he did in middle school.  This child is so intelligent that it almost physically hurts me to see him doing just enough to get by.  No matter what I've tried in the past to instill good study habits, etc. it has always resulted in short-lived improvement only. 

Does anyone have any advice on how I can help this child understand that how well he does in high school will directly affect his future?  I know I'm not the only one who stresses this to him, but I don't think he's mature enough to really understand the concept.

 

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I'm amazed at the staggering numbers regarding teen stress... There is evidence that one third of our teens experience stress daily.

Being a 61 year old grandmother, makes it even harder to understand.. Today my grandson is with me and before I wrote this post, I asked;  William do you have any stress?  His response instantly was yes grandma a lot. William will be 13 this year.
I was shocked, and asked him what his biggest source of stress was, he replied mom.  Once again, because of course, I'm on mom's side, as first she is my daughter and second, she has spent the last 21 years raising and devoting her life to her 7 children. ( My  source of information and experience for my grammology blog which is..all true).  My first response, defense.  However, when I asked William the source of his stress,  he replied, she won't let me do things.  You can bet after I write this article, I'll be researching what it is he wants to do?
 How kids perceive their lives, really depends on us.  I realize the first thought you have now is okay..great, am I responsible for their stress too?  Frankly it's my opinion, we all are.
  Children encounter bullies, teachers, what to wear.  How to act and where they can go to be popular.  Is there a sport they should participate in.  Do they have friends, are they loved by their parents. Today there is also the constant threat of terrorism and lets not forget the missing and exploited children we see plastered all over television.  I'm not saying we should stop warning kids, I saying this also has an effect on daily lives.  To make it even worse, what once was a safe haven (school) has even become a place of concern.  Where there are more than fire drills.  Now we teach our children how to defend themselves if there ever is an attack by a fellow student etc.
On a much more serious note, whether the stress is biological,  psychological  or social, it can't be healthy for our children.  It can affect  grades, how they act at home, and more serious can lead to depression. The web is a wonderful source of information for teen stress.  Use your search box type in  teen stress and see articles which may help you understand the problem and how to determine if any of your children have more than normal stress. 
 I realize this is one more thing to think about, however, there is nothing more important than our children..we had them..we must take care of them  The good news today..there is a lot of information and help available. I hope you'll think about stress and your children.  I'm going to ask each of my granddchidren and see if we can have a family discussion on the subject.
Ignoring it won't make it go away....

Regards, Grammy

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Do any other Moms out there sometimes feel like trying to still have a handle on your teenagers decisions is sometimes more work (stress) than it is worth???!!!! Today, I feel like saying "whatever"... "you just do whatever you want, I don't care". Wouldn't my life be so much easier if I could just stay out of it?!

The story... :   I have mixed feelings. One of her best friends is a christian girl, for that I am thankful. I have encouraged her to pick such friends. However, for some reason... I just have bad vibes about this girl. I have tried eaves dropping and I occasionally check my daughters email & facebook messagings, and I have not found any evidence of anything I should be worried about. But still, I am not sure about this girl. She's always real quiet around me and whenever she's around, my daughter seems sort of disgusted w me. Well, 3 weeks ago, I picked up the phone to call my daughter upstairs and, as usual, I let the person in mid sentence finish before interupting. Well, it was her friend going on about how "your parents never let you do anything". Well, after the phone call, I explained to my daught that she does not need friends like that who try to paint a bad picture about her parents. My daught has what I think is a terrific life. We are not wealthy, but are above average and are able to afford some finer things for her like... season theatre tickets, private voice, guitar, piano & dance lessons,lots of clothes & shoes... Most importantly, we give her so much love and plenty of time (especially since I do not work). I feel so confused because often, she mopes around the house and has just an "attitude" of "life's just here", "I'm so bored, there's nothing to do, oh poor me". Oh, how it angers me! And I'm sure it is due to this constant 'chip' she carries, that made me extremely sensetive to her friends words.

Well, she's been bugging me over the past 3 weeks about WHEN she could hang w & talk to her friend again. I told her she needed to first make a list that would 'enlighten' me as to just what it was exactly that we did not let her do that was so bad, that her friend could do. The list was given to me today... Her friend can, or has: 1. can call boys 2. has a cell phone 3. can go to the movies w guy friends 4. has parents who buy her clothes from the mall 5. her friend does not have a chore list. Well, there you have it. OK. For my daught. 1. I feel boys should call her. If they call when she's out, she can call them back. 2. Why, at her young age does she need a cell that she cannot afford to pay for herself? 3. I know what I did in theatres as a teenager. Ah, No way! 4. I am a clearance rack / thrift store shopper. 5. I feel chores are way important for kids to teach them responsibility.

Boy, was I mad when I read that list. (I am yet to discuss it w her. She left it for me to find). Am I missing something here? I swear, part of me just wants to say "Sweetie, Princess (sarcastically), You just do whatever you want because we certainly don't want for you to not get your way about everything in life. You just sit and relax while the rest of the family cleans the house, etc." I am frustrated. Can you tell?

Any thoughts on this friend? I hate to not allow her to have this friend because I know she will be crushed. However, shouldn't I be concerned? Is the fact that this friend loves the Lord a big enough reason for me to not make such a big deal over this? Help!

Krisi

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I know nothing about home schooling. I am considering it for my 9th grader. Are there any CHRISTIAN cirriculums that you can refer me to? I would love to find something that would have a lot of internet, or professor type interaction. Something to hold her interest... educational of course, but also fun and easy to understand and follow along with. Something that would not need a ton of parent intervention. Thanks. Krisi

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With seven grandchildren and my daughter wanting me to help her with the discipline in the family....my wit, wisdom and experience is always working.  I believe all children should have chores. 
It can be as simple as clearing the table and doing the dishes.  Or there can be set jobs where everyone does their own laundry, keeps their rooms in an orderly condition.
By teaching kids to participate in the family jobs, you are showing them the family is a team and they will be stronger by working together.  No one person in the house should have to do all things.  Especially mom  and dad.  If dad works all day,  wouldn't it make him feel good to know his children are helping keep the garage and basement organized. If old enough cut the grass
and in some cases offer to help mom or dad clean the cars.  When parents are able, of course, it helps if they can offer the children an allowance.  If you give to your children and do not require them to give anything back, history shows us they think they are owed everything.  Sooner or later they are bound to encounter times in life where you must work  for what you get,  and those who haven't been introduced to working around the home or doing for other than themselves...will have a  harder time. My grandchildren, know the rules, love me and realize in order to give, many times, we first must give...  I hope you'll agree, and start the process no matter what their age..in the long run, your children will benefit from this process.  Regards, Grammy
http://grammology.com  

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Some of us have reached that parenting pinnacle and are transitioning from having our teens --  although totally independent and self-sufficient (ha) living under our roof -- head off to life at college.

Along with the trips to Bed, Bath and Beyond and Target for every dorm room must-have, there other college realities that bear discussion. 

As an involved parent, I'm aware of the fake ID craze and the amount of on-campus drinking. A rite of passage? Perhaps. Did we do it as college students? Truthfully, yes. But I truly believe the college drinking situation is out of hand, at the very least.

I read an interesting e-mail blog from the National Crime Prevention Council (http://www.ncpc.org/) about talking with our soon-to-be-on-campus teens about the realities of the drinking scene -- and thought it might be worthy to spread the word about having an important discussion -- beyond how to do laundry and call home once in a while -- about drinking,

On college campuses across the country, every weekend looks about the same. Bars and frat houses are packed with students looking to hang out with friends, have a few drinks, and just have some fun. When a few drinks turns into ten, does fun become dangerous?

 

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At the risk of sounding like my children....DUH!!!!!!!  What was Miss New Jersey thinking?  Apparently someone got their hands on her "private" photos from her Facebook page and blackmailed her!!  I saw her on the Today Show last week where she decided to take matters into her own hands and share the photos, thus taking the power away from the blackmailer.  She was stunned that the perpetrator had access to  these photos! 

Where has she been?  Isn't this  what we have been talking  to our teenagers about for years?  Now I hear that colleges are rescinding acceptances after seeing questionable, irresponsible behavior documented on Facebook pages.  Don't get me wrong, I do not expect my children to be saints.  I know I wasn't.  I just hope they are smarter than Miss New Jersey and realize that all actions have consequences.   DO NOT PRINT OR SHOW ANYTHING THAT YOU DO NOT WHAT THE WORLD TO READ. 

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I just got back from a Mom's and kids beach trip.  We have traveled with this same group since all of our kids were babies.  It is 5 Mom's and between all of us there are 12 kids ranging in age from 18-11.  We have always referred to this group as our "beach friends".  We always have a wonderful time and can't wait until the next year when we all meet again.  This year, I found out that my daughter  (16) and one of the boys (18) have a summer crush.  Up until this year, this group has always thought of each other as family friends and I am wondering how this is going to affect this group. We do not live in the same city, so seeing each other on a regular basis isn't an issue.  One Mom told me that she had a talk with her daughter about family friends and that  they were always to be only friends.  I guess I should have had that talk as well.  Any suggestions? 

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My daughter is 14 years and since the last couple of years has been having trouble making any friends in school. Reading the web, I see that a lot of kids face this, but I was hoping someone could tell me how to help her. She gets bullied and ridiculed a lot in school, and I spoke to the school councellor. Now she does not get bullied, all the kids just ignore her. She does not know which is worse...I have tried counselling for her and talking to her to boost her spirits...but she is very lonely in school. I have tried encouraging her to make other friends, but she used to be very popular in school till these bunch of kids started bullying. Being extra sensitive, she has withdrawn in a shell.

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