Help!!! I have exhausted every tool I possess to have my daughter stay home, she works goes to a friends after work and refuses 3 out of 5 days to come home... I have tried everything, from forcing her, talking to her, even the police, I know she is drinking and smoking pot.... she is going into grade 11 this year at school and I am afraid that she's just not going to make it.. we had a trauma last year where 8 members of our basketball team were killed coming home from a game, and a couple of these kids were good friends, she has had counselling and I'm not blaming her behaviour on this loss, however, she is defiant,rude and sometimes she's back to herself, her brother has tried talking to her , her dad, her friends, she's just with a bad bunch of kids and making terrible decisions,  any help would be appreciated....

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I've been watching the Olympics along with the rest of the world.  I'm not totally focused, but I catch events here and there.  I watched part of the gymnastics last night, and there was some controversy in the scoring-- Bela Karolyi was not happy!  It seems like you see the most pressure manifested in those young girls.  Maybe it is because you get so many close up shots of their faces, but I would hate to see my daughter under that much pressure at that age. 

 

Most of the other sports have older participants-- college age and above.  They've had a chance to figure out who they are, and better handle what is thrown at them in the games.  I especially love to the the cinderella story older athletes-- past their prime, but still able to defeat the younger competitors through superior training, focus, and life experience. 

It seems the gymnasts are so young, because they start so young and totally bust their bodies up and burn out by the time they are in their 20's.  Do you think this is healthy?

 

 

 

 

 

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I am harldy bellyaching about my kid. She is generally amazing, But lately my wife and I are noticing a coldness, a form of immature independence that shows a darker side than we are comfortable with.

Our 16 year old daughter is typically very responsible, a great student, self-starter even. She is popular socially...but when it comes to boys, she sort of freaks out. She shows signs of being a tease -- flirty touching (grabbing hands, hooking arms, etc). Then, when the boys starts to respond, she flits away. These are good guys, not pushy,  not disrespectful, the kind of guys you like your daughter to associate with. She is concerned with how her non-dating girlfriends will respond to her. Okay...

But recently she told a guy that she has spent a fair amount of time with and we (parents and siblings) have grown close to that she wants to be friends and no more, that the relationship can go no further. She did so without a conversation with either parents or siblings. It is cool to begin growing independent at age 16. I know that. Our issue is this guy has helped pull her through a very intense summer schedule with obligations that really burried her. He treated her like a queen, respected her, made her (and our) world brighter by his attitude and support. Rather than expressing appreciation for his uncommon valor and selflessness, she actually used him during this tough time and now is coldly "turning him into a friend."

In the past she "dated" guys that are his opposite. The darker, life sucking kind of guys that we had to extricate her from. The kind of guys that asked her to be defiant and rule testing...She appears to be tempted to pursue this type of guy on her own.

Our concern is not that she is growing independent, it is that her  judgement seems to be both naive and somewhat self-destructive. How might we shape this kid in this area before she is simply too old to influence? She is not sexually active, not yet tempted to be active. That is not the issue. It is more a drifting toward the grey than black. We want to redirect and nurture, not punish and control.

Thanks

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