William is number 6 of my seven grandchildren. He will be 13 next month.  He has quite a unique personality.  Has since a toddler.  If you tell him he can't do it he will. 
However, he has a kind spirit so you never give up on him, you understand he's management intense and work threw it.

A few weeks ago, he asked me if he could post on my grammology blog.  He wrote a few sentences, and asked me to post.  I was shocked and really didn't take him seriously.  I knew he read my blog, however, I never thought he liked it.  Wrong...and I thought I knew my kids....He told me he asked three adults at school to look at his post, and they did during the school day.  He was as proud as he could be.  He felt like a writer.

I wondered what reception it would receive.  I was fearful for his disappointment.  Perhaps  no one would comment.

Since the post went up this morning, (I changed a few words and let it fly)..  To my shock..the comments started coming in.

My grandson, came home from school, ran to the computer, before my daughter even knew.   And began responding to the comments.  His spelling and language, far from correct (neither is mine) the apple didn't fall far from that tree.  However, the story and intent is real.  The moral;  don't under estimate the ability of a child.  His post has more comments then mine.  He's loving his chance to tell his story, and so are we.  Go figure...  I think I'm such a smart grandmother and I never would have guessed this.

My blog www.grammology.com it's worth a look..I'm so proud. Hope you'll consider stopping by and letting us know if you think we have a budding journalists. Thanks in advance

Dorothy from grammology
call your gram
www.grammology.com

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Well, lo and behold...the Christmas tree sellers have arrived from the North Carolina mountains, ready to sell their trees in our town!  Once I saw the early signs of their arrival I mentioned to my 13 year old son that working there on weekends might be a good part time job for him and a chance to earn a little extra holiday gift money!  He was ambivalent to say the least!  Still, I kept discussing it and even stopped by there with him and urged him to go introduce himself and see if they had any openings.  

I have always thought of my son as a pretty confident teenager who is able to look an adult in the eye and have a decent conversation with him or her.   But my suggestion that he go up to a perfect stranger, extend his hand, inquire about a job and follow through on it made him extremely nervous.  So nervous that he wanted me, the mom who usually embarrasses him,  to accompany him.  I said no and he grudgingly got out of the car to perform my request.  (Good thing he got out on his own as he is bigger than I am now so physically "encouraging" him wasn't an option.)  I watched in the rear view mirror as he approached, extended his hand, and made conversation.  When he returned to the car he informed me that  employees at Big John's Trees must be 15 years old!  He seemed relieved. 

I wondered if this age of texting and IMing makes teenagers less able to actually speak face to face with people.  Or has it always been difficult for teenagers to do so with an adult;  cell phones and computers aren't to blame? 

I couldn't help but think though that he gained a little confidence in that encounter and hopefully will be more prepared and a little more eager to do something like that the next time. 

In the end, we decided that when we got home, he'd call 4 or 5 of the families he's babysat for before and offer his services over the holidays.  He got about 7 babysitting jobs by doing that which will probably pay better than the tree lot anyway!  Looks like he might have some holiday pocket money after all! 

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I am a grad student working on an online project designed to help parents communicate with their teenagers about underage drinking, drug use, and impaired driving. I have posted some of the content I've written below. The title of this section is: A Parent's Role. I would appreciate any comments, suggestions, or feedback you can offer. Thank you.

Mike and Molly throw the best keg parties in town. The beer flows freely as burly varsity-football players collect keys at the door. Teens mill around, shouting over the pounding music, hugging and ‘high-fiving’ the couple. The problem? Mike and Molly graduated from high school 25 years ago and this is their 18-year-old son’s summer beer bash.[i]

Does this scenario remind you of anyone you know? Most parents are horrified at the thought of their children attending an underage drinking party, let alone hosting one for them. However, recent headlines suggest that parents across the nation are doing just that.

Some parents, in an attempt to deal with their child’s adolescence, try to become their teen’s best friend. They think that being the “cool parent” (one who is fun, non-confrontational, and non-judgmental) will bring them closer to their teen. In the extreme cases, adults may be hosting underage drinking parties and providing alcohol to try to connect with their teen.

There is no such thing as “responsible” underage drinking.

Parents who host teen drinking parties often reason that their teen is going to drink anyway and further, that teens will be safer drinking under a parent’s eye. This idea is wrong on a number of levels. First of all, there is simply no such thing as safe underage drinking. Adolescents--whose brains are still developing--are especially vulnerable to alcohol-related learning and memory impairments.[ii] A 2001 study of teen drinking and brain functioning showed that teens who reported heavy drinking were more likely to score poorly on basic tests.[iii] Alcohol use slows thinking and memory, which in turn impacts how teens perform at school.

Secondly, underage alcohol use is linked to other risks such as impaired driving, physical violence and sexual misjudgments.[iv] Simply put, there is no responsible way for adults to break the law and allow teens to abuse alcohol.

What’s a concerned parent to do?

Parents shouldn’t be afraid that setting limits will cause them to lose their child’s love; providing structure and boundaries is crucial to parenting successful teens. Research tells us that parents are most positively influential when they share open communication with their teenagers.[v] Parents can protect their teen from the pressures of adolescence by[vi]:

1. Monitoring their teen’s behavior regularly

2. Being involved in the daily rhythms of their teen’s lives

3. Expressing their expectations.

When parents are involved and connected, they promote their teen’s self-esteem, higher grades in school, and greater academic success.

As much as your teens may groan or complain about the expectations you set, they usually understand that it is a parent’s job to care enough to expect things of them. Appropriate behavior, good decision-making and adherence to the rules of the house are important standards for parents to set and for teens to uphold.[vii] When parents establish and communicate reasonable, age-appropriate standards, teens will usually rise to the occasion to meet them.

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I previously wrote about the importance of family dinners and received a few comments regarding how hard they would be as a result of work and school activity schedules.  My comments were never meant as criticism, they were suggestions as to the forgotten power of a family dinner. 

If you feel your already stretched to the limit.  (and I've been there) And it's impossible to schedule regular family gatherings, sitting around the table and breaking bread....  Schedule a time where the family gets together, order or make home made pizza, something they all love to eat.  Take the time to have a meal together and just talk. Don't consider it  something which has to  be done everyday.  Just do one and see how it goes.  figure out a time, even if it has to be a Sunday  morning for breakfast.  Eventually get the kids to pitch in and help with the menu picking or even the cooking.  Sometime during the month when everyone can be together.

If it's once a month or twice a year, it's better then no time at all.  Many of us have crazy schedules, however we all have to eat.  Similar to the power lunch, much can be accomplished when a family sits down and begins eating together.  You may not realize the importance to begin with.  However, I'm betting if you try this a few times, you'll be amazed at what you'll learn.

Start by asking small questions, how was your day?  Anything exciting going on in your life.  Later ask if they are aware of any issues in school they'd like to share. Use the words  share, so they don't think it's required rather voluntary. Let them know you are genuinely interested in what they might have to say.   They may resist as first,  keep trying in a non threatening way.  Become interested in what they're doing.  Ask yourself, what you would like to know and begin slowly.  This is not an easy task.  However, the rewards might be priceless.  As you do this more often, you might find you don't even have to ask.the conversation will just flow.

With the holidays approaching, think about what meals you would like your family  celebrating together.  Plan the dates early so everyone has a chance to work the date into their schedules.  Our family started Thanksgiving dinner two weeks ago.  We have a large extended family and getting together is like playing Chinese Checkers.  We did it.  And now we're planning our Christmas dinners as well.  We're  finishing our 4th family dinner for Thanksgiving and I imagine Christmas will be the same very busy.

Here's hoping you'll give it a try.  Start slow, and don't worry about how many times you do this.  Just get one dinner committed, holiday or just supper together and let me now how it goes.  It's very rare, that families in the end, won't enjoy each others company.  This is not a contest or lecture, it's a suggestion as to how to enjoy your family one more way.  For those of us, already having fun with family gatherings, share the joy. 
My best.
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram

http://grammology.com

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I recently had a long discussion with some friends about our kids and privacy issues.  The main issue was whether or not it was okay to check our kids' text messages on their phone.  One friend was totally against it-- invasion of privacy and uncomfortableness about being sneaky were her reasons.  I sided with my other friend in saying that in some ways it is a necessary evil to keep up with what is going on in their world.  I know I am biased, because a year ago another friend found out that her son was taking Oxycontin by checking his text messages.  They immediately sought out treatment, and he has been clean for a year, but her finding that information could have been the thing that saved his life. 

 Our kids are still learning how to make decisions, and are so influenced by their peers.  Sometimes they don't know they are being led down the wrong road.  They have so much technology now that makes it harder for parents to stay in the loop.  I say you use every tool available to stay in touch.  Agree or disagree?

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My mom died last week, and we buried her last Friday.  It's been a long and hard time of reflection.  I still wonder what all this means. 

I'm 61 and my mom was 78.  I keep thinking,  how much time do I have left?  My grandchildren..ages 4 to 26 were all there by my side.  William the 13 year old..seemed to say the least.  I have a lot of thinking to do.  (And follow up with each grandchild).  I hope as things settle down in my head, I'll be able to share my thoughts. 

Our children should be encouraged to share their feelings.  I'll be with my grandchildren on Sunday.  I'll let  you know how they feel,  Especially William.  the 13 year.  He surprised me  with his  silence.

Sometimes, it's good to wait before there is a lot of conversation.  I hope Sunday will be a good time to share.  My mom was the center of our family.  With holidays approaching it will be important to continue the traditions she loved.

I'll be back with my thoughts.

Dorothy from grammology
remember to call your grandma
http://grammology.com

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Why is it that the parents of "Perfect" children always feel the need to take every opportunity to tell whoever is within earshot how great their children are. We all know people like this, the ones who's kids can do no wrong. Are the best at their sport, smartest in the their class, do the most volunteer work...yada,yada,yada ! Until ...that perfect child succumbs to " childhood " and makes a foolish choice or mistake. Where are the loud mouth parents then ? And what does it say about the rest of us, who silently listen while internally dancing a jig. Oh how the mighty fall.

In my experience I have learned to keep my mouth shut and not set my kids up for this. Lord knows they are average at best and if they experience all that life has to offer a teenager, as I did...They will make plenty of mistakes along the way.The last thing my children need is a bunch of parents ( whom I have encouraged with my bragging ) to be watching for their mistakes with silent jubilation.

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I recently saw a news story about a 13 yr old who was given detention for hugging her friend goodbye at the end of the school day.  Both students are girls and best friends!  What's up with this?  Is this just another example of zero tolerance?  In order to keep the 15 year old couple from making out and groping in the hallway, you have to forbid two 13 year old girls from hugging goodbye?  Isn't there any room for administrators to use their own discretion? 

A friend and I were recently discussing how comfortable middle schoolers and high schoolers are hugging each other!  It's like a handshake these days! 

Before the Homecoming dance last week the principal of my son's school sent out a letter detailing what was appropriate on the dance floor.  Students had to dance face to face and their hands had to remain above their partner's waist.  I wonder how they enforced that rule! 

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