I am a grad student working on an online project designed to help parents communicate with their teenagers about underage drinking, drug use, and impaired driving. I have posted some of the content I've written below. The title of this section is: A Parent's Role. I would appreciate any comments, suggestions, or feedback you can offer. Thank you.

Mike and Molly throw the best keg parties in town. The beer flows freely as burly varsity-football players collect keys at the door. Teens mill around, shouting over the pounding music, hugging and ‘high-fiving’ the couple. The problem? Mike and Molly graduated from high school 25 years ago and this is their 18-year-old son’s summer beer bash.[i]

Does this scenario remind you of anyone you know? Most parents are horrified at the thought of their children attending an underage drinking party, let alone hosting one for them. However, recent headlines suggest that parents across the nation are doing just that.

Some parents, in an attempt to deal with their child’s adolescence, try to become their teen’s best friend. They think that being the “cool parent” (one who is fun, non-confrontational, and non-judgmental) will bring them closer to their teen. In the extreme cases, adults may be hosting underage drinking parties and providing alcohol to try to connect with their teen.

There is no such thing as “responsible” underage drinking.

Parents who host teen drinking parties often reason that their teen is going to drink anyway and further, that teens will be safer drinking under a parent’s eye. This idea is wrong on a number of levels. First of all, there is simply no such thing as safe underage drinking. Adolescents--whose brains are still developing--are especially vulnerable to alcohol-related learning and memory impairments.[ii] A 2001 study of teen drinking and brain functioning showed that teens who reported heavy drinking were more likely to score poorly on basic tests.[iii] Alcohol use slows thinking and memory, which in turn impacts how teens perform at school.

Secondly, underage alcohol use is linked to other risks such as impaired driving, physical violence and sexual misjudgments.[iv] Simply put, there is no responsible way for adults to break the law and allow teens to abuse alcohol.

What’s a concerned parent to do?

Parents shouldn’t be afraid that setting limits will cause them to lose their child’s love; providing structure and boundaries is crucial to parenting successful teens. Research tells us that parents are most positively influential when they share open communication with their teenagers.[v] Parents can protect their teen from the pressures of adolescence by[vi]:

1. Monitoring their teen’s behavior regularly

2. Being involved in the daily rhythms of their teen’s lives

3. Expressing their expectations.

When parents are involved and connected, they promote their teen’s self-esteem, higher grades in school, and greater academic success.

As much as your teens may groan or complain about the expectations you set, they usually understand that it is a parent’s job to care enough to expect things of them. Appropriate behavior, good decision-making and adherence to the rules of the house are important standards for parents to set and for teens to uphold.[vii] When parents establish and communicate reasonable, age-appropriate standards, teens will usually rise to the occasion to meet them.