Surviving My Teen | Motivation for a Successful School Year

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Surviving My Teen

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Motivation for a Successful School Year

Posted by: Sue F. on July 26, 2007 at 10:05AM EST

We are rounding the corner toward the new school year at an alarming rate! My delusions at the end of the last school year of watching my son grow and mature over the summer have not come to fruition. I had hoped that now that he is entering high school he would miraculously begin to understand how important studying and his grades are. However, based on the little talks we've been having, he seems to think he can skate by like he did in middle school. This child is so intelligent that it almost physically hurts me to see him doing just enough to get by. No matter what I've tried in the past to instill good study habits, etc. it has always resulted in short-lived improvement only.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can help this child understand that how well he does in high school will directly affect his future? I know I'm not the only one who stresses this to him, but I don't think he's mature enough to really understand the concept.

(7) Comments

Posted by: joe bruzzese on August 1, 2007 5:57PM EST

Congratulations on officially entering the high school years. Many of the parents and teens I coach struggle with achievement challenges and looking beyond tomorrow. This article might help: http://thinking-forward.typepad.com/my_weblog/2007/04/progress_report.html

My best to you!

Regards,

Joe Bruzzese

Posted by: Cheer87 on July 31, 2007 9:54AM EST

My brother is the same way. He's so smart and he could do so much better if he put in a little extra time. However, this isn't the case. There comes a time that the child has to decide how hard they want to work. They need to understand that their grades directly impact future college acceptances. If they don't want to go to Harvard or Yale or go to a difficult college where they will work a lot, maybe it's okay if he doesn't make straight A's and meet his potential. Straight B's with a few A's might be enough.

Posted by: Krisi on July 28, 2007 12:23PM EST

In 8th grade, we experienced several times where our daughter would allow her grade to drop. I verified w each of her teachers that she should be very capable of making at least a B in their class, so that we were not having unrealistic expectations of her academically. After verifying that we should in fact be expecting A's and B's from her... we knew we needed to do something about it. She literally dropped in each subject once, at different times throughout the year. Weird. First, it was her Math grade... we grounded her from phone, friends, email, etc., until we got verification from the teacher that the grade was back up to at least a B-. That grade was brought back up and then it was English... same scenario. Then, Science... same. Then finally it was History. We sat her down and explained that apparently just loosing out on her normal priveledges was not getting through and any time she chose to drop a grade, she would have a major chore to accomplish on each Sat until her grade was brought back up along w no friends, email, phone, etc. This seemed to effect her more. The Sat type chores can be things like... wiping all doors front and back throughout the house w warm soapy water, wiping all the window sills, wiping all base boards throughout the house, pulling weeds outside, cleaning the garage, etc. These type of chores are chores we usually pay our kids or someone elso to do, they are not on their normal chore list. We were able to be calm and not get upset w her. We just communicated that it was expected that she apply herself in each of her classes and that if she didn't, that meant she was choosing to be grounded along w extra major household chores. Her choice. Good luck.

Posted by: Denise Wuthnow on July 27, 2007 9:38AM EST

It sounded like I wrote this for a minute. Except our son started feeling the reality of taking the easy path his last year in middle school-let's just say he didn't make the honor roll. Other than talking about the importance of doing one's best in any situation, setting up good communication with teachers and close follow up on what work is due when, it seems a balancing act to let him "learn the lesson himself" if that is what it's going to take vs. putting pressure on him to keep performance up where it could be if he put the effort into it. In our house, the irony is our 12 yr old daughter worries that she has to make an A on everything and always tries so hard. She's seen him get As all through elementary school so easily and thinks she has to do the same-even though we've always said just do your best and that is enough. But she saw him hitting the reality of skating by in middle school when he couldn't just get As without the work. I try to tell myself that it's best for him to learn the lesson now vs. growing up and thinking at 22 that everything will come easy in the world since we know it won't. Still so hard to let them fall on their face knowing grade point averages they make in high school will impact college etc.

Posted by: sj on July 27, 2007 9:25AM EST

Hmmm-- do we live in the same household? I can empathize with what you are saying. All you can do is paint the picture for them, and hope that it will spark something. I tell him that the choices he makes now will impact what college he gets into, and we have some nice community colleges around if that is where he wants to be. He has heard about the great experiences that I and his father had going to large universities, and has been on those campuses, so that is what he wants, but the choice is his to make. Let's hope the lightbulb goes on before they slide too far to catch up!

Posted by: Dorothy Stahlnecker on July 26, 2007 11:49PM EST

Keep stressing the importance of a good education. Sometimes when you think your not getting through it's working on his sub conscience.

Many times kids need the constant reminder of what they have to accomplish today. They are not thinking of tomorrow.

Perhaps if you discussed some kind of incentive. It doesn't have to be monetary. It can be an extended privilege he otherwise wouldn't be allowed.

There are no easy answers for parents today. You have to do as you are...stay consistent, and pray.....Staying involved and not letting up, will probably tire you however, once you have a child, if you are a good parent (and you obviously are) it never ends. I can speak to that as I'm now worried about my grandchildren and great grandchildren..now isn't that something to ponder..

Good luck sounds like your doing better than you think.

Regards, Dorothy at grammology
http://grammology.com

Posted by: BethJ007 on July 26, 2007 1:06PM EST

That's tough. I was similar in that for a long time I had the ability to do the minimum amount of schoolwork to get by, and I had to learn the hard way that doesn't always work when I did poorly on a test because I didn't study hard enough. Hopefully he will be able to realize on his own that he will need to put in some more effort. Just keep encouraging him and stressing the importance of getting good grades so he can get into a good college.