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The Elementary Age

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At wits end!

Posted by: Ramin on March 5, 2008 at 1:12PM EST

Hi,

I'm new here and at my wits end. I have an 11 year old daughter who is in 5th grade who has several chronic health issues. She has been giving me a real tough time with getting up in the morning and getting ready for school. It is like time is non-existant for her!! Homework and chores are yet another story. She sits down to do it and it takes her ages, focus is definitely an issue. Mornings are the worst as she refuses to get out of bed and spends an hour in the bathroom. She doesn't care if she gets a tardy at school. She also makes her other siblings late. It is really frustrating and no form of talking, pre-bedtime discussion or yelling works. Her doctors don't think it is a medical issue and think it is more behavioral.

Any suggestions...please.

(4) Comments

Posted by: PrincessJasmine on September 18, 2008 2:13PM EST

I found that my 8 yr old boy had a hard time focusing and getting ready for school, until we made a few changes to his diet and made some rewards/consequences for getting to school on time vs tardy. We found that he was deficient in amino acids (meat) and essential fatty acids (like fish oils). So I started making sure he eats meat for breakfast and lunch, and started supplimenting with protein powder and gave him a multi-vitimin containing essential fatty acids. This was the most tremendous help.

To help him get moving in the morning, if he gets to school on time, he gets to stay up until 9PM. If he is tardy, he has to go to bed at 8:30PM. If he is tardy, he doesn't get to play his video games either. If he doesn't get his homework done, no screen time. We limit all screen time to 20 minutes a day, so its a big deal if he loses that privilege.

I also give him fun challenges, like if you can get all your homework done in 45 minutes, I'll give you a surprise. He loves these challenges... the surprise may be that we go play putt-putt golf on Friday if he makes it to school on time all week, or if he gets all his homework done in a reasonable time he gets a small toy or extra video game time on the weekend.

Oh one more homework tip. I let my son choose where he gets to do his homework. He likes to go up in his treehouse or outside. He gets it done much faster outside for some reason, and he likes to stand up while doing it instead of sitting. The teachers call it ADD, but I call it blessed.

Posted by: sj on July 8, 2008 9:27AM EST

I know it is frustrating, but I also do believe that age is part of equation. You may have to keep up the encouraging (or nagging) for a while longer. I would keep emphasizing the importance of being on time-- it will sink in eventually. And as she gets older, she will care more about having enough time to get ready. I hope it's getting better.

Posted by: Bobbi Jo Smith on March 29, 2008 2:06AM EST

Hang in there! Let's hope that this is just a phase and "it too shall pass." But in the meantime, set up some reinforcements for her. I would suggest sitting down with her and having a one-on-one talk about goals she may have for herself and morning time, school, etc. Be kind and consider her opinions. Relate to her and kindly tell her how her siblings -if younger - look up to her or if older depend on her so that they can have a successful day as well. Get her a white board calendar to serve as a check list. Let her fill it in with your recommendation about morning time and homework time, etc. Have her mark her progress. Speak with her about some rewards she would like to receive if she can keep to her schedule. Start out small, for example, if she keeps to her schedule for the first week, reward her with something small but meaningful (ask her what these rewards would be). If she makes it for a whole month, give her a bigger reward. Consistently PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE as well. I would recommend going this route first. If it does not seem to help or change her behaviors, then I would go a more negative way. However, I think the negative approach only makes a teenage child rebel more. One negative approach you may take is to tell her you may want to take her to a behavior specialist and talk. That might scare her back into shape.

Good luck and let me know the outcome.

Posted by: Sue F. on March 6, 2008 10:42PM EST

I've got a morning dawdler, too, and it can drive you insane! I've learned over the years to give him a schedule as to when he has to do everything (get in the shower at this time, get out at that time, eat at this time, etc.). I tell him when it's time to leave for school, we are leaving no matter what form of readiness he is in (if his hair is sopping wet or he's not dressed, we're going anyway). That seems to get him moving. Before that, there was a reward system for staying on time and consequences for lagging behind. I put a clock in the bathroom for him so he can keep an eye on his time and he's learned over the years to keep moving. He's 14 now versus your 11-year-old, but he was as bad if not worse than her at that age. Set some rules and hang in there!