The Elementary Age | Lost as a New Step-Parernt

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The Elementary Age

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Lost as a New Step-Parernt

Posted by: Jade on October 9, 2008 at 6:41PM EST

Hi, I am new here and thought I would try my hand at getting advice from veteran step-parents. I have a smart 8 yr old step-son, whom is starting to show his rebel side. He has started to hide his homework from me, and talks back all the time. He has split time with his Father and myself and his Mom. We alternate weeks that we have him since we live in the same town. From what I understand from a mutual friend between the families, his Mother does all of my step-sons homework for him and I make him do it himself unless there is a question. I sit with him, but he wants me to write his vocabulary words for him like his Mom does, and when I don't he gets upset and starts crying, stating I am mean and that I dont care. And since I involved his father in talking to him about an adult doing his homework he has taken up leaving homework at school or on the bus so he does not have to do it. The other children are held to the exact same standards in the home, and I dont do any of the other childrens homework. I am so lost about what to do, I know he smart enough to do these things on his own with minamal guidance. Please if anyone can give a lil advice about my Son I would really appreciate the help!!!

(2) Comments

Posted by: Liz S on November 14, 2008 9:00PM EST

Hi Jade, I am too a step parent (of an 10yr old girl) and we struggled with this kind of stuff too (at first). If you can,get BOTH mom and dad to read a book on coparenting (Building a parent aggrement that works by M Lyster and Collaborative Divorce by Tesler). Also,get the book Dinosaurs Divorce by MBrown.. Your son is a little old but it reminds him there are 2 households,2 sets of rules ect. Good luck!! Liz S

Posted by: sj on October 23, 2008 9:39AM EST

Hey Jade-- I haven't had any experience as a step-parent, but I am divorced and I can see where the transitioning and blending is so delicate. You are in a no-win situation here in the beginning. My only advice to you is to stay the course in keeping the rules the same for everyone. All you can do is be fair and loving, and realize that he has had a different school/homework experience up until the point where you came into the picture. No matter how capable he is, he is not used to doing his own work. Ultimately your husband and his ex-wife will have to deal with it or not-- all you can do is keep as much structure as you can for the whole family. It's not going to be easy-- especially if they choose to ignore it or become defensive about it. Sometimes parents don't do what is in the best interest of the children-- imagine that?!