Surviving My Teen

Teen Jealousy

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 12:55:37 GMT

My 16-yr. old daughter is VERY loyal to her friends, especially her BFF. Lately, her BFF has been focusing more of her attention on a boy who she enjoys being around. Consequently, my daughter feels somewhat abandoned. I try to remind her that she has lots of other friends but that 's not what she wants to hear. I believe my daughter is hoping that her BFF will give up this boy and spend all her free time with my daughter like she did in the past. But I think my daughter's possessiveness will drive a wedge between herself and her BFF. How do I help her cope with the inevitable? Thanks!

13 yr old cutter

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:21:08 GMT

I recently intercepted notes with my13 yr old granddaughter and it was a discussion of her cutting herself-- not because of being depressed but just wants to. I know this site says for parents but I have helped raise her and don't know where to turn. I have the notes. Talking to her mother would be of no use and probably not School and other grandparents. Where do I turn and has anyone been through this? Thank you for any help. I don't know where to turn.

Compulsive Lying to Peers

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 23:21:54 GMT

My daughter is 14 and she is a compulsive liar. She not only lies to me, but also to her peers. While I don't like the lying to me, I do understand that teens lie to their parents. It is the lying to her peers that bothers me. She makes up these unbelievable stories about drinking and sexually activity that I know aren't true because she was at home with me when the "alleged" incident took place. And even when her friends clearly don't approve of what she did, she continues to lie to others. She was caught in a bad lie by her friends last year and almost lost her 3 closest friends. She lied her way out of it and won them back. I brought her to therapy and it seemed to work for while (or she didn't get caught) but she seems to be going back to her old ways. Everything I have read relates to lying to parents. Anybody have a similar issue or have any advise? Thanks!

my teen sons are driving me crazy

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 03:30:49 GMT

i am at my end with my sons my 15 year old is being rebelious and acting out in school he don't trying to do his work he just sit in class and does nothing but the good things about this he is very intelligent and smart. he is to big for displine and when i put him on punishment he does not stay cause when i go to work he does whatever he wants he may leave the house or come in late. his behavior is affecting my 13 year old son he is starting to act out as well but not as bad as my 15 year old so if anyone have any suggestion please!!!!!!!!!!!! let me know.

my 16 year old going on 25......

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 18:53:47 GMT

Help!!! I have exhausted every tool I possess to have my daughter stay home, she works goes to a friends after work and refuses 3 out of 5 days to come home... I have tried everything, from forcing her, talking to her, even the police, I know she is drinking and smoking pot.... she is going into grade 11 this year at school and I am afraid that she's just not going to make it.. we had a trauma last year where 8 members of our basketball team were killed coming home from a game, and a couple of these kids were good friends, she has had counselling and I'm not blaming her behaviour on this loss, however, she is defiant,rude and sometimes she's back to herself, her brother has tried talking to her , her dad, her friends, she's just with a bad bunch of kids and making terrible decisions, any help would be appreciated....

Olympic Pressure

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:21:15 GMT

I've been watching the Olympics along with the rest of the world. I'm not totally focused, but I catch events here and there. I watched part of the gymnastics last night, and there was some controversy in the scoring-- Bela Karolyi was not happy! It seems like you see the most pressure manifested in those young girls. Maybe it is because you get so many close up shots of their faces, but I would hate to see my daughter under that much pressure at that age.

Most of the other sports have older participants-- college age and above. They've had a chance to figure out who they are, and better handle what is thrown at them in the games. I especially love to the the cinderella story older athletes-- past their prime, but still able to defeat the younger competitors through superior training, focus, and life experience.

It seems the gymnasts are so young, because they start so young and totally bust their bodies up and burn out by the time they are in their 20's. Do you think this is healthy?

Early stage of defiance

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 20:03:05 GMT

I am harldy bellyaching about my kid. She is generally amazing, But lately my wife and I are noticing a coldness, a form of immature independence that shows a darker side than we are comfortable with.

Our 16 year old daughter is typically very responsible, a great student, self-starter even. She is popular socially...but when it comes to boys, she sort of freaks out. She shows signs of being a tease -- flirty touching (grabbing hands, hooking arms, etc). Then, when the boys starts to respond, she flits away. These are good guys, not pushy, not disrespectful, the kind of guys you like your daughter to associate with. She is concerned with how her non-dating girlfriends will respond to her. Okay...

But recently she told a guy that she has spent a fair amount of time with and we (parents and siblings) have grown close to that she wants to be friends and no more, that the relationship can go no further. She did so without a conversation with either parents or siblings. It is cool to begin growing independent at age 16. I know that. Our issue is this guy has helped pull her through a very intense summer schedule with obligations that really burried her. He treated her like a queen, respected her, made her (and our) world brighter by his attitude and support. Rather than expressing appreciation for his uncommon valor and selflessness, she actually used him during this tough time and now is coldly "turning him into a friend."

In the past she "dated" guys that are his opposite. The darker, life sucking kind of guys that we had to extricate her from. The kind of guys that asked her to be defiant and rule testing...She appears to be tempted to pursue this type of guy on her own.

Our concern is not that she is growing independent, it is that her judgement seems to be both naive and somewhat self-destructive. How might we shape this kid in this area before she is simply too old to influence? She is not sexually active, not yet tempted to be active. That is not the issue. It is more a drifting toward the grey than black. We want to redirect and nurture, not punish and control.

Thanks